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Back in therapy.

LemonjuiceSenior Contributor13 Jan 2018, 11:23 pm AEDT

Back in therapy.

Hi, I was all over the place during the holidays. A month without my therapist and usually I am ok with absences but this time I wasn't well physically and that was making me suicidal. It some effort but I managed to stabilise my mood by eating better and drinking a lot of water.

I told my therapist about what happened and he asked me if I had anyone to talk to apart from him. I told him how I came here but that I stopped after a time because I felt embarrassed...my depressive talking, my on and off comments about feeling suicidal. He told me it was a good thing that I reached out but he could see I didn't think it was a good thing. For one thing, it lessens my drive to suicide and that p's me off. For another, I'm just not use to talking to people...I just grin and bear it until it passes. I have a sense of being weak or stupid or shame about feeling like this. I ought to be strong, keep it together, disciplined, etc. I tell myself, people here are probably worse situations than me, I should be comforting them, not being a depressing, attention seeking whinger.

4 replies

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In response to: Back in therapy.

utopiaSenior Contributor14 Jan 2018, 12:08 am AEDT

Re: Back in therapy.

@Lemonjuice. All the 'I shoulds' just make us feel more guilt and don't free us from our depression. But it's hard not to say them.
No one here is better or worse off than anyone else. We all have our own histories and iur own stories and our own MI.
We all have a right and a need to express ourselves here on the forum.
Please continue to write here. It does help. I know. Lately my posts have all been downers about depression. When I feel stronger and less sick - that's when I might be able to help someone on the forum.
So try not to put pressure on yourself. We are all in the same boat - just for different things.

In response to: Re: Back in therapy.

BunniekinsSenior Contributor14 Jan 2018, 10:47 am AEDT

Re: Back in therapy.

@Lemonjuice Hi Lemonjuice have been wondering how you were going ... was missing your quick wit and keen sense of humour. Great that you are back with your therapist and off loading that is a great thing but I agree with @utopia everyone has a right to ask for help regardless of whether their problems are perceived to be better than someone else's. So never feel you are being that way on the boards everyone brings their own experiences and problems and we all help each other and support each other. See you around. xx

In response to: Back in therapy.

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor15 Jan 2018, 8:50 am AEDT

Re: Back in therapy.

Hi @Lemonjuice,

I am glad that hanging out in Forum Land lessons your drive to suicide. Me too! Actually, it isn't even all of Forum Land that lessons my drive to suicide, it is just one annoying little carebear named @CheerBear who somehow snuck through a tiny crack in my shell!

I find that for me, "should" and "ought" tend to be unhelpful words. You mention that you "ought" to be strong. My response to that would be "why?"

You also mentioned that you "should" be comforting others. Again, my response would be "why?"

It sounds like when you share that you are struggling, you feel like you are being a depressing attention-seeking whinger. That's really interesting because I'm guessing that you probably don't think of others in those terms when they share that they are struggling???

I'm super glad your therapist is back from leave. I can totally relate to how much harder things can be when support people disappear at this time of year. I hope today has some good in it for you @Lemonjuice.

In response to: Back in therapy.

LemonjuiceSenior Contributor16 Jan 2018, 5:53 pm AEDT

Re: Back in therapy.

Thanks guys.

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