Turtle check-in station

@Phoenix_Rising saw this and thought of you

Came across this vintage card on the internet @Phoenix_Rising ...

@Phoenix_Rising

Hi @Former-Member,

I super like all three of those pictures you posted.

I am ultra struggling at the moment with mental-health-professional-induced re-traumatization and I fear the struggle is going to go on for quite a long while yet. This has been a very very VERY big hit.

On the bright side, things are going super well with TTT (clearly she isn't the MH professional that has caused the re-traumatization!). It really is amazing the difference it can make to find a helpful helping person. I so badly wish they weren't so few and far between!

Is Mr Darcy still struggling at the moment?

Hi @Determined, I gather from some of your posts that your darling is super struggling (and thus you are super struggling too). Because I've never had a partnered relationship (except for the abuse thing when I was 14-16 years old), it is hard for me to imagine what it must be like being in a relationship either as someone with BPD, or with someone with BPD. I can't imagine having a partner and children and still having the fear of abandonment stuff. I think your darling is so very very blessed to have you.

I think my muddle is much more strongly influenced by my aspieness than has ever been recognised. I really notice how many people with BPD there are here in Forum Land who struggle with the fear of abandonment stuff despite having a partner and/or children. This strikes me as being quite a different experience to mine where I actually really and truly don't have anyone in my life. I think it would be amazing to be loved as much as you so clearly love your darling.

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time at the moment. Really hope that with some support from ttt that things pick up for you soon.

Yes my darling is super struggling at the moment, while things are looking a lot more positive than this time last week I am still quite concerned about how long it will stay that way and not in very good space myself at the moment.

Juat having a hard time seeing how I can possibly do what I need/ want to do when every time I am the least bit distracted with myself things go down the toilet. Back at uni in 2 weeks and stressing about my ability to focus.

I just need to let go of some things and accept help knowing things will not always be done the way I like.

That sounds so super tough @Determined. Where are you and your darling at in terms of getting support? I think the last bit I read was where you were expressing frustration that the hospital didn't seem to see the seriousness of the last situation and sent your darling home. Is she seeing someone that she connects well with? You have no idea what a relief it is for me to have finally found TTT after my twelve failed therapists in two years! Even though things are super tough right now because of the mental-health-professional-induced re-traumatization, having TTT there to help navigate this most magnificent of muddles makes it at least survivable - even if it has totally mushed my brain.

Hey @Former-Member (and @Determined if you are interested), I am super excited because this week I've started on my favourite piece in book 4 of my violin adventure. Here is a random stranger on youtube playing it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YW_GDmFS9lQ Given I started it last Friday, you can well imagine that it doesn't sound anything like this when I play it right now. The cool thing is that this is the graduation piece for the book so I will play it about eleventy million times between now and when I perform it at the graduation concert (most likely next year rather than this year). It's the first piece where I really feel I can express my big feelings, so I am super looking forward to being able to actually play it. I hope my neighbours like it.

We don't want the neighbours to think this @Phoenix_Rising

That violin piece sounds amazing @Phoenix_Rising, will be quite an achievement when you are finally confident in playing it.

I would love to be able to play an instrument (organ being my fav) but sadly I am only good enough to play for myself. Can't keep time to save myself. Was playing at church a little while ago but they were scraping the barrel and desperate lol.

Biggest chalenge for my darling in coming days is that pdoc cut her allowed prn usage today by 2/3

He had a fit when I told him how much she was using untill I pointed out that was how much I was allowed to give her. (I keep it all locked away and hand it out as needed). So it was not her telling me porkies or even misunderstanding what was allowed. He told ME how much I could give her. Kind of got under my skin considering I have repeatedly asked at each hospital discharge for a print out...

I was pointing out the increased usage (within prescribed limits) as an indicatormof decreased coping ability but that point was lost in the conversation.

So how will she go tomorrow when she can not have what she has been relying on to (eventually) get out of bed??? Only time will tell.... bumpy ride ahead...