rough time

@Sans911 i think you may have gone to bed or close to it so will say goodnight to you now sis. Sleep well and i hope things go well for you tomorrow ❣❣

@outlanderStill here lil Sis. I have just been given more work to do-sigh I don't necessarily have to do it tonight, but I would rather do is/ soon?

I was just being quiet, and busy. Are you going to bed/sleep soon?

Being given even more work at thid hr of the night! Geez can it wait till tomorrow? Or try to do some in the morning? @Sans911

No i dont think sleeps on the cards here. Not for a while. Have a few emotions and pains happening so trying to ride those out.

You can still talk to me lil Sis...I feel like I kind have neglected you of late. I have noticed though that my sleep patterns have been a bit off. Most of the time it doesn't matter as I don't have much on the next days. I will try next week to pull back my sleep time.

What emotions are going on @outlander? Can I do anything to help?

I know i can still talk to you sis @Sans911 it just gets hard. I use to be good at identifying emotions but now they just seem to combine into one. How can i ask for help if i dont know what the problem is...?

Everything is all mixed up. It feels all wrong and i dont know what else to do. It is breaking me.

Im worried about the physical stuff. My hand pain just doesnt seem to be getting better. I took those tablets and i regret it stomach wise but its helping my pain (at one point i thought i was becoming addicted to pain meds) and i cant get my heart to stop doing its stupid thing.

Everything is just a mess and no one offline knows how to help and its mot fair on you guys to keep being asked.

Im sorry @Sans911thats not fair on you.

Please dont let me keep you up. You need sleep

This is the place @outlander where you are understood and more importantly heard than anywhere else. No of us like burdening people here or real life, but we are in similar spaces at one time or another, so a burden shared is a burden halved. Many times when I have shared my worries, despite not often wanting to, it has not only benefitted you, but also myself. Because all the time my attention is on you, and your needs. So by the time I have stopped talking to you, my own strong emotions, thoughts or whatever I was distressed or concerned about has passed.

Yes, I really appreciate that mixed up emotions stuff. It is called emotion dysregulation. I might share with you some of my DBT skills on this with you over the weekend and next week because even though you say you can't identify the emotion I learnt that often you can pinpoint it to 1 or 2 primary emotions. Once you identify this emotion, you are much better placed to learn how to deal with it. Once you learn how to deal with it, then other things become a little easier.

You say you don't know what the problem is, but you actually do. You just told me you feel all mixed up, so you've already identified that as an issue. And physical pain is a big contributing issue on top of mental health challenges. While it might feel wrong, it is not. This is what having BPD can be like. It can be really distressing, but you can get it under control.

It sounds like lots of overwhelming feelings are swirling around. Lots of stress from pain, which increases the stress hormones, and it's a bit like a firestorm going off, right? You're not sleeping right, you're not eating right. Lots of anxiety and stress going on, which can impact on your heart. Stress can make you feel really ill. So we will chat some more over the next few days about a bit of plan if you want. And maybe in the meantime go have another read of the DBT thread.

Have you used your worry box tonight? Done some breathing exercises?

You pick up alot of things dont you @Sans911 i know what i said but it didnt come out the way you just put

Sorry posted before i finished.

Yes it is like a firestorm going off. I fet it quite often and just spirals @Sans911 so i would appreciate if you shared some if your dbt stuff for these things. If you can help with a plan that would be good too.

Ive done abit of the dbt but havent looked at it again for a while. The dbt thread can be too much so i find it better to read the books ive got here or in smaller doses.

Ive already used my worry box and i tried breathing but it made the palpatations worse ir more noticeable anyway ( mine just makes my heart beat really hard but my HR is actually low at 53 even though it feels fast)

Ive also used a few distractions like my phone game and a tv show and i actually counted backwards from 100.

It is called life @outlander lol, and learning experiences. There are times when I am grateful for them if it helps others like yourself. This forum really has been a livesaver on so many occasions; it's just a shame there were times there was nothing that could stop me from my actions. Again, it came down to burdening people. But last weekend, I reluctantly reached out here, even though my thoughts were screaming at me not to. And it was super hard as Snowie and even you were in a similar space. I kept thinking 'what am I doing to them?'. It took four very long days for that intense SI urge to pass, mainly because I put off reaching out. So I am always learning too.

Sometimes it also takes others looking at our situations to put a different perspective on them, and say the same thing, but in a different way. You are a smart cookie @outlander. You will beat this eventually. I know it.

I am just turning off my laptop, taking my meds and snuggling down. It's raining heavily outside. Both cats are sound asleep, all snuggled up. Big boy is again next to my leg, and Jasper on his blanket at the end of the bed.

So I can probably chat for a little longer before it'll be lights out lil Sis.