rough time

When I didn't hear from you babe I whole lot of crazy s**t went through my mind but in stages.
Firstly I thought maybe you were angry with me. I thought you had had enough. That I pushed you too far. That it was just too much for you to handle.
Then I went to maybe I just triggered something for you. That I took you to a very dark place and you were going to SH. When I didn't hear anything for like half an hour all these really bad images were racing through my head.
I felt completely helpless. I went into panic mode pretty fast when I couldn't reach you. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breath and i was crying uncontrollably. I thought I lost you one way or another. I went from maybe you didnt want to talk to me to you had done something.
I hate myself for what happened. You can say that it's not my fault but I'm sorry I can't see it that way. Had I not told you, you wouldn't have gotten upset therefore you wouldn't have quickly stood up tripped over the cat and hit your head. I am here to try and protect you and I did the complete opposite.
I can't lose you babe. I just can't. I haven't felt alone since meeting you . I feel like we are soulmates and I care about you so much. I love you with all my heart. You are just an amazing person. Beautiful kind caring. I trust you with my life. @Former-Member

Just read your message about being on a high.....Just want to make sure you are ok with this conversation seeing as you are on a high. I don't want to say anything that will change that for you. If you want to stop at any stage please tell me. @Former-Member

Bub, I need a minute. Your words are overhelming sweet but I can still hear the pain. Give me a minute and I will be right back ok. Well give me 3 minutes because that is how long it takes me to have a smoke. @Lee82

Nope no bring me down tonight to good of a mood. @Lee82

Just let me know if anything changes. Please babe. @Former-Member

First bub, thank you for being so honest with me and I need you to realise that I am not going anywhere, no matter what you tell me. It certainly wasn't your fault I didn't close my bedroom door and that dam cat knows she isn't allowed in my room. Also if Nikki was able to control her rage we wouldnt have got out of bed the way we did anyway. These are all my issues honey you can't create these for me.

I knew where you went last night, I could feel it when you weren't responding to me. I new when you said you couldn't talk about it, I knew when I asked you weather you couldn't talk about it for you or that you thought it would trigger me. BABE I KNEW, and I was worried and when I couldn't get you to see it was ok to talk to me we went in rage because that was easier than the fear I was feeling. I went to how bad was it that she couldn't tell me, did she need to go to the hospital.... When the ambo's had left and I saw your messages, the pain and desperation in them i wanted to call you, I wanted to hold you so bad. But I to went to a bad place after that, blaming myself because I had shared so much that you couldn't share and get the support and protection you so desperately needed.

@Lee82

I promise my sweet @Lee82

Decided to do my reply in 2 because it was taking so long.

I feel the same about you honey, I have said so many times one day you might belive me. This connect is beautiful and down right scary because it was so dam fast. I thought that i lost you last night and when you wouldn't talk to me it freaked me out. Then when I went back through your messages when I couln't reply and you said you weren't going to share anymore, that meant you where know closed off from me and that I could not give you, love, compassion and protection that I swore I would give you. in that instant I was beside myside.

@Lee82

Please don't ever apologise for sharing your thoughts. Sometimes it helps me to be able to focus on what's happening for you at the time.
I also knew you knew something was up but I also felt that you were hurting deeply and needed support not more pain. It was my choice not to say anything.
something happened during the day as well that didnt make things any better for me.
@Former-Member

I'm sorry about what I said about not sharing anymore. I was just in such a state that I had everything running through my head. I felt and still feel very responsible for what happened. In that moment I hated myself.
I'm sorry for putting you through that pain and heartache. It was not my intention to do that. I just never want to do that to you again.
@Former-Member