rough time

Hey lovely, it's been a real crap shoot of a day. Triggered at work when a coworker changed her tone while dealing with a client over the phone. It was just a change of tone and she just went from being sweet and compassionate to a little firm with the client (I know the client she was talking and believe me the only to get this particular client to listen is to be a little firm with her) but that triggered the abuse from my client and I wasn't seeing what was in for the of me anymore. I was looking at my computer screen but it was like I was watching that day/event play out like it was on the screen. But what really tipped Izzy over the edge is we saw a client plan for a new client and the last line of the last paragraph said "Please be aware of anything in his environment that he could potentially use as a weapon against staff" that was it Izzy was done. She felt like it was over for her in regards to her career and that was too much hence the sleeping pills when she got home.

@Lee82 , I am still feeling the effects of the tablets but the bottle was almost empty so that was a blessing. I am a little terrified if going to sleep though.

Hope you are doing ok babe 💜 Nikki

Hi there @Former-Member

I am very releaved that the bottle was nearly empty. Though I am sorry to read that you are a little terrified about going to sleep tonight, Please keep yourself safe tonight and contact helplines or emergency services 000 if you find yourself in a crisis.

take good care

Whitehawk.

Oh Nikki honey I'm so sorry it wasn't a good experience and that you were triggered. I can completely understand why it happened. Did speaking to your psych and councellor help at all?
I am so sorry sweetie I wish I had some advice to give about how to handle your flashbacks at work but I don't even know how to stop my own. I feel totally useless.. I hope your psych was able to help you in this area.

I am so glad there wasn't enough in the bottle. I would have been devastated my friend. Please you need to reach out to someone when you feel that low. You need to think of your beautiful children and your gorgeous granddaughter. What would they do without you. What would I do without you sweetie. I am hoping one of these days we could find a way to catch up. I would love to walk along the beach with you having a great laugh about something and enjoying a couple wines together. Of course it would have to be in brissy cause Melbourne sucks...lol

what are you doing right now? @Former-Member

I am sorry to have caused you so much worried this afternoon @Lee82, I am very sorry. I am not a good person/friend. Izzy 💖

@Lee82 , yeah it's hard because they are ones I try and think about, but sometimes when it's all too much you can't see that they would actually even be sad if you weren't around anymore. I know that's not the case but when that particular demon gets you all logic goes out the window. You do help a lot, by knowing what it's like to have them, for not judging me for having them and not get frustrated with me when that's all I seem to want to talk about. So I don't think you are useless at all. Yeah talked to both of them and feeling a little better tonight.

I would love that too my friend. I have been in Melbourne once for about three days and yes it sucks. Sorry😂 Nikki

I completely understand about all logic going out the window. I have the same thoughts when I feel I don't want to go on anymore. It's hard to believe they need you and want you around but they do and always will. Please when your feeling like that again connect with a helpline before you do anything. That is the only thing you need to think of in that moment. They will help you see all the good you have to offer and they will help remind you about all your loved ones.
I am so relieved you are feeling better Nikki. I think enough hours have gone by now that it would be safe to sleep however I am not going anywhere tonight as I think I am in for another long night. So I will be here to talk about whatever you want to talk about.
don't apologise melb is crap...😉

@Former-Member

Omg I'm not sure how I missed this post. I'm so sorry honey. @Former-Member
You are a great friend and you are a beautiful person honey.
please do not apologise for worrying me. I am your friend and it's my job to worry. I worry because I care so very much about you.
you worry about me and you give me wonderful advice which makes you a good person and a good friend too.

@Lee82 , did it help you last night talking with lifeline?

I found it so hard to talk on the phone. I had a panic attack whilst on the phone. She wanted me to get to a hospital. Eventually she calmed me down enough to let me go however she asked me to call beyond blue but I was so exhausted I couldn't bring myself to call them.
@Former-Member

You are too kind my love, I am not feeling very well right now. I am not sure how I am a good person really because if I was why the hell would I try to leave. Doing that to the ones I love is just so f**king selfish.

How are you my love @Lee82 💖Izzy