rough time

I completely understand that my love. You said in a message a little earlier that you where about how you and your stuff my be affecting me. It's not, what is affecting me is the fact that I am not sitting at your dinner table have a gnocchi food fight with your boys while you are not looking. ( I don't like it) What's affecting me is that after they are in bed I am not able to sit on your couch with you and let you talk it out or cry it out with someone actually right beside you. Ready to give you a hug when you are ready.

I am sorry I am not actually much help @Lee82

I am back my friend @Lee82

Lol...I so wish that could be happening right now. I would want nothing more than that. I need a hug from you right now.
you have been more help today than you know my friend. By now i would have SH a few times. I haven't done that.
I can't thank you enough for being here for me. You have done more for me than anyone in life has ever done.
💗

@Former-Member

I am so sorry that you have so many people let you down and it breaks my heart you don't have someone to lean on in person. What are you doing?

I am sitting on my couch in my Harry Potter pj's, with a cold milk in a Harry Potter coffee cup watching The half blood Prince. All that instead of getting ready for my first day back at work tomorrow

Wishing I could give you a hug right my friend @Lee82

I am laying on the couch in the dark drinking wine with the tv on some show I don't even know what it is just for some background noise.
what do you do for work?
@Former-Member

I work in community aged care, I go to their homes and do basicyanything they need. I have haven't at work since early January. I go back on little duties so I will be in the office answering phones and crap.

I use to love sitting in the dark with just the tv on but right now I can do the dark at all. I have even had to buy a lamp for my room and it's on almost all night.

How old are your boys again?

Wow that must be very rewarding. So is tomorrow your first day back since mid January?
No I can't sleep in the total darkness either. And I also have to leave the tv on all night. I don't sleep in my bedroom either. I can't because it's to frightening for me. So I sleep on my couch with the tv on all night.
My boys are 8 and 12. My 8 year old turns 9 on the 1st June and the 12 year old turns 13 on the 1st July.

@Former-Member sorry I forgot.

What time do you start tomorrow?
@Former-Member

@Lee82 , it is honey. I had to leave about 5 years ago because of extreme bulling. At the i was leaving new changes where coming and I knew my supervisor and bully would not keep her job long so I waited and waited, doing cleaning jobs in the meantime. Then it happen she got fired along with those who had cover for her, so I applied for a job with them again and got it. I have been back working within an industry that I am passionate about since last June and was loving it. Until a client of mine physically attack me early December. He left me with soft tissue injuries to my jaw, ribs and stomach along with Bursitis in my shoulder. That hasn't healed yet despite treatment. About two weeks after the attack things went pear shape, I had been place in the office on light duties when a staff member called because a client was becoming agitated and she feared for her personal safety, I told her to leave immediately and I would contact her family. After to call to the family I went outside and started shaking and threw up. I didn't know what had happened so I went back in and just continued my work. After that though I found myself nicking off for a cigarette every time I had an aggressive/upset client or family member on the phone, thought nothing of it. But then when a staff member called a week later and I had to call an ambulance for the client, I froze, I couldn't make the call. Luckily I had a senior member of staff beside me and he made the call. I went to the bathroom and just cried and my whole body was shaking and the was when I was diagnosed with PTSD. I haven't worked since then. I am making myself sick thinking about going to work as I don't think I am ready and feel like I have been bullied into returning.

Wow that was a long one sorry honey