rough time

oh im sorry about Hs grandmother @Snowie

poor thing @Snowie
hugs and hugs

its going ok @Snowie im halfway through a blanket now. i think itll be finished within the next week or 2 depending on how much i get to sit and do it. im quite stressed over a few things so its taking alot of my brain power too

im going to take a pic tomorrow outside on the verandah. my lights are like yellow so it doesnt show up properly @Snowie
um im not sure, like there seems to be a lot all the time but its repetitive and doesnt feel all that important. even the health professionals lately have been shutting me down so its hard to get much out even in words now.

thanks @Snowie
i think i wear the mask to well around people even health professionals which doesnt help get the point across that i am struggling. i am a naturally bubbly sort of person even when im in a bad state so i guess its hard to tell my real emotions.

im just worried- really worried about april. there are lots of aniversaries in there along with those tests as well all while continueing truama work/ the tests arent sitting well with me at all or more so the location and was something i tried to speak to my nurse about for her to refer me to somewhere else besides a hospital (where i know around 5 people that work there) but she flat out refuses to send me elsewhere and so does the gp. i cant see how there is one medicare gynaecologist in my area. it is to hard to hide and while i can say its to check for pcos/endo etc it doesnt make it any easier and theres no way im telling anyone else about what happened and the reason they originally sent me there.


and finances are hard as well, and november is scaring the crap out of me more so becasue i have no idea how im going to afford it when my car needs tyres and will need rego along with other expenses along with appts etc.

i cant ask mum for help either with it because she needs to focus on the event in october and then its only 2 weeks after that i have my op.

the stuff with pop seems to be getting harder or more so really draining having to repeat myself, have more patience, and keep adjusting my attitude to suit him. i seem to be forever getting pulled up by people for one reason or another. he keeps mixing up his meds as well evne though they are in a pill box. when i done them last night there were 4 doses of one type of med in one section which means he hasnt taken them the previous days but kept switching them around so that is really stressful aswell.

sorry that was a really big ramble