rough time

i feel sick 😷 i already have to undergo further testing for cervical changes and it is becasue of him that is happening. i can never escape.

i have seen him once in the now 6 yrs since this was happening and it wasnt good that time either.


My pop full on had this whole conversation with him about how everyone is going 😞

i cant breathe. i dont want to be here, i wihs i could run. i wish i had somewhere to go besides here.

nothing I say will make this any easier on you hun, it is awful what has happened. Your pop probably thought it was ok to talk to him as he doesn't know what happened of course.

Sitting here wwith you @outlander

No need to apologise @outlander you haven't done anything wrong sweetie.

Huh, dinner done and dusted. Sorry for rushing off.

@outlander - Definitely no apologies needed. I hope talking about it has helped a little?

Remember that forewarned is forearmed. Imagine how hard it would have hit you if youd run across him out of the blue? I expect you'll be constantly looking over your shoulder for a while, or expecting to see him around every corner. This will ease, as your initial fight/flight/freeze response settles.

The physical and emotional response from memories of trauma can be extreme. And sometimes our body responds physically (heart, breathing, cold sweat, etc) before our mind is even aware of a trigger being present.

My psych told me to simply acknowledge this and thank our body and mind for warning us of possible danger. Pat ourself on the back and wonder at the complexities of body and mind. Its not just our minds which are left with trauma, our physical selves also remember. Both mind and body continues to alert us to possible danger, whether that is real or perceived.

Yes this person is now closer than you'd comfortably like, but in reality ... what are the chances that he would do what was done in the past? Try to bring some reality back to the situation. You are safe now, and that will never happen to you again.

Its so unfair that you have cervical changes, likely thanks to him. Hopefully all will be well.

Try to relax and keep within the realms of reality. Nothing is ever as bad as we allow ourselves to believe.

A big hug to you sweetie .. you will be okay.

Sherry💜

Yes @outlander it makes perfect sense .. believe me. Knowing and acknowledging the reasons WHY we feel unsafe unfortunately does not automatically translate to making us feel any better. I have to say Outlander that even after 3 years of intense trauma therapy (CBT, Exposure Therapy and EMDR) I still often cannot see past that initial trauma induced intense anxiety response. But it has improved. I am still learning methods to counteract the worst of my reactions. My clinical psych is still constantly working with me to make life easier.

If my memory is correct, you have not yet undergone any trauma therapy? Do you think that perhaps you are now ready to do so? I am confident that you would benefit from it. Provided you have a therapist you trust, one who has experience with trauma patients and someone you feel comfortable talking to. Very important. So if you dont yet have that, I would highly recommend you start looking for one. I wont mislead you by saying its easy. Its damned hard work and it can be deeply distressing. But its proactive, its something we can choose to do to improve our lot. Its worth the effort as it just takes the edge off things. And every little bit helps.

Sherry 💜