rough time

Goodnight sweet @Snowie. Really lovely to have you here. I hope you have a decent sleep, and all the best for the operation 💜💙

Goodnight @Snowie hope tomorrow goes well 💕💕💕

Seeing mary poppins sounds like a good idea. Ive heard its good @Sans911

Yeah, it's just showing at odd times like late evening. I'll fall asleep halfway through the movie!

Are you feeling a bit better now? How great is it to have @Snowie back with us? Sisters United!!

I'm doing a mega colouring in, it's really intricate and detailed. I'm going cross eyed trying to look at the small numbers.

@outlander

Lol don't fall asleep in there @Sans911

Im not feeling that much better. Some words come out of my mouth today that arent sitting well with me and have been feeling abit sick all day-like virus sort of off.. Just 'that' time of the night i thinkand the mix of being abit burnt out from life.
Yes it is very great to have our @Snowie back!!!

Im watching modern family but i cant actually remember whats happened at the start of the episode and doing some crochet. Or sort of i think ive done 3 stitches since ive been out of the shower 😕
Your picture sounds very detailed!

We all make mistakes lil Sis @outlander, and I imagine it would be easy right now for you to snap. Do you feel you could apologise?

You're poor body is putting up a heck of a battle right now. If you're feeling 'off' I'm not surprised at all. It must be such an awful feeling. And then your responsibility to others on top of that. Lack of sleep. I guess not eating right. All those add up hun. You know that anyway.

Sounds like you might be disassociated a bit at times tonight. Your brain is shutting down to try to cope.

What i said wasnt actually to anyone like in an argument although there was one of those today. I was chatting on the helpline and some things come out. Those deep within thoughts that dont get said much but they come out today in whatever state i was in. Its not really something to apologise for. Sorry its hard to explain unless i actually say what was said but im not ready for that yet.

Yeah its all adding up and up. Ive been dissociating alot more than usual. I put a movie on yesterday and i remember putting it on but I dont remember actually watching it but remember the end credits coming on. I just feel so... i dont even know what but it doesnt feel that great.
I dont know if its a good idea to talk about me tonight im worried itll start things in full force again 😞
@Sans911

No, I understand @outlander, you don't have to explain. You very rarely be truly vulnerable an d honest at what's really happening with you, and pushing it all done just creates havoc for later on.

I think, despite whether you wanted it to come out, it was possibly a good thing to share. The person at the other end doesn't know you well, so it's not going to come back at you.

If you don't want to talk about you tonight it's completely alright. We can sit together in silence if you like.

But I'm really concerned about you lil Sis, and where you're heading mentally. It's making you unsafe and unpredictable. I hope you can get some help soon sweet. I don't want to loose you in any way.

Being vulnerable is really hard for me to do @Sans911 i have so much built up i guess.

That is true they dont know who i am or i hope not anyway. It actually shocked me and i had to think about what i had said. Usually i think very carefully before saying anything.
Yeah i know its abit worrying for me too. Ive got lots of red lights happening esp the dissociation and the sh- it is becoming that addictive thing again.
I start speaking to headapace again in about 2 or 3 weeks. The start of feb is the first appt again so at least thats a little closer.

Do you feel like telling one of your travel or nursing stories? Youve been to some pretty cool places but i dont want them to trigger you either so its perfectly fine if you dont want to