outlanderSenior Contributor
rough time
is anyone around to talk to atm
FORUMS
Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.
- 47,612Members
- 1,358,869Posts
- 1,400,000Visitors
rough time
20097 replies
In response to: rough time
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
Im up for a while yet @Sans911 so if you would like to repost im ok with that but if your not thats ok too.
In response to: Re: rough time
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: rough time
OK lil Sis, I'll see how I go. I don't like re-writing posts as it's never the same.
What I'm about to say might not go down too well with other forum members, and I also don't want to cause you any distress because lots of people are weighing on YOUR therapy.
I honestly think @outlander that if therapy isn't working for right now, then forcing yourself to go is traumatic and distressing. It seems too that getting that nice match of an understanding therapist, a good communicator & someone that 'gets' you just isn't happening. Maybe you're not ready for therapy yet, and perhaps in 2,5, 10years you might be. Right now, you're not wasting your therapist's time, your wasting yours. And your time is precious, as are you. You are so important, and you need to get a therapist that can work with you to help you achieve your needs. Most therapists stay with you for a long time, like years. So liking them & feeling like you're respected, cared about and understood is really important. Perhaps when you are in full time employment, you might be better placed to find the right therapist for you.
I know when things get overwhelming for you, your response is to shut down. There's nothing wrong with that as it's a coping mechanism, a form of self preservation and protection. I do exactly the same, and have completely shut down in therapy because if I didn't I probably would have punched or slapped my therapist. And when you can't make sense of where to start, and the therapist isn't helping to direct you, then no one is getting anywhere.
There are many types of therapists; you don't necessarily have to see a psychologist. There's social workers, counsellors, nurses, etc. And many, many types of therapy.
It's taken me three years to find a therapist I feel comfortable with. She's not perfect, but she cares, she listens, she understands me.
Even when I had my breakdown 3years ago, I was reluctant to see a therapist. I was tired of re-hashing my stories. As a kid, I had many, many social workers & welfare officers, and I was so sick of just getting to know them before they would leave. So when I had all the mental health problems as a teenager, including anorexia, self harm, and SA the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. It took 3years for people to realise I had anorexia. So therapy wasn't even on my radar. I eventually got on with my life. It wasn't until it fell apart so spectacularly that I thought it was more than I can manage.
I think what's just as important then therapy sometimes is that you have a good support network around you, a workable safety plan, and a willingness to keep doing the best you can, which you do, but also keep working on yourself. If you can continue to manage your mental health with some safeguards in place you can probably muddle along for now.
I'm not sure how you'll respond to this lil Sis, because I know at one stage I kept at you to keep trying to find someone. But I realise that for you at this time, it's probably not right.
Thoughts?
What I'm about to say might not go down too well with other forum members, and I also don't want to cause you any distress because lots of people are weighing on YOUR therapy.
I honestly think @outlander that if therapy isn't working for right now, then forcing yourself to go is traumatic and distressing. It seems too that getting that nice match of an understanding therapist, a good communicator & someone that 'gets' you just isn't happening. Maybe you're not ready for therapy yet, and perhaps in 2,5, 10years you might be. Right now, you're not wasting your therapist's time, your wasting yours. And your time is precious, as are you. You are so important, and you need to get a therapist that can work with you to help you achieve your needs. Most therapists stay with you for a long time, like years. So liking them & feeling like you're respected, cared about and understood is really important. Perhaps when you are in full time employment, you might be better placed to find the right therapist for you.
I know when things get overwhelming for you, your response is to shut down. There's nothing wrong with that as it's a coping mechanism, a form of self preservation and protection. I do exactly the same, and have completely shut down in therapy because if I didn't I probably would have punched or slapped my therapist. And when you can't make sense of where to start, and the therapist isn't helping to direct you, then no one is getting anywhere.
There are many types of therapists; you don't necessarily have to see a psychologist. There's social workers, counsellors, nurses, etc. And many, many types of therapy.
It's taken me three years to find a therapist I feel comfortable with. She's not perfect, but she cares, she listens, she understands me.
Even when I had my breakdown 3years ago, I was reluctant to see a therapist. I was tired of re-hashing my stories. As a kid, I had many, many social workers & welfare officers, and I was so sick of just getting to know them before they would leave. So when I had all the mental health problems as a teenager, including anorexia, self harm, and SA the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. It took 3years for people to realise I had anorexia. So therapy wasn't even on my radar. I eventually got on with my life. It wasn't until it fell apart so spectacularly that I thought it was more than I can manage.
I think what's just as important then therapy sometimes is that you have a good support network around you, a workable safety plan, and a willingness to keep doing the best you can, which you do, but also keep working on yourself. If you can continue to manage your mental health with some safeguards in place you can probably muddle along for now.
I'm not sure how you'll respond to this lil Sis, because I know at one stage I kept at you to keep trying to find someone. But I realise that for you at this time, it's probably not right.
Thoughts?
In response to: Re: rough time
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
Thanks sis and no you havent distressed me at all @Sans91
I am so torn at what to do. I get along with the therapist i have now so its not exactly my comfort levels with her and she did at least try to understand during our first 3 sessions. It is more me. I know they can only work with what i say to them but even those small things i just cant get out. Even the things that i probably could talk about like i do here such as pops illness or some family relationship troubles or those sorts of things but i cant. I just shut down. Sometimes im at the point where i cant say anything because i feel like im just going to burst or that im going to be physically sick. there had been sessions even with previous psychs where ive though i really need to talk about this or that and work through it and by the time i walk to that door and open it i go totally blank. I cant think and i cant remember what i what i wanted to talk about until im either halfway through the session and it just doesnt seem relevant a that point or until im finished and have that moment where i actually remember what it was that was bothering me.
I dont know why that happens but it does happen alot. Its like theres just so much to talk about and feels so complicated but i dont know where to start, what is relevant, what to say.... It sounds silly but i feel i cant talk about family relations with anyone it just makes me feel uncomfortable and more often then not i feel worse after those convos. I struggle wirh it even here unless im talking to you or someone pretty close to me here.
To me before my breakdown 2 yrs ago all of this was nomal to me even though iknew something wasnt right. Just didnt know what it was at the time. Once i lifted that lid it was quite messy and i dont know if ive really come back from that. Does that make sense?
Im stuck. I know i cant keep doing it on my own otherwise im not sure how i will go. Depending on who im talking to the convos i have are good and im ok after them and like somethings been lifted but other times i can barely contain myself and i start loosing more control. I dont like admitting it but i need help but i dont know how to go about it right now or what might be the better path. How can anyone help if i cant speak...
In response to: Re: rough time
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
When i first started seeking help i was ok well not ok but Willing to go on all these medications to see if they would help and speak to my gp and psych and nurse and psychiatrist and those but once family got involved even though i was very gentle it just all went to shite
Over such a simple topic and since then that is when i have shut down more esp about family.
The one comment from a psych that caused an argument between me and famil that really shouldn't have happened was ' you should take some time for yourself'
Havent been able to talk to anyone properly since then.
And then another argument the day i got sent to hospital because i had attempted the night before and had intended to try again after i left the gp practice. I can say that hospital visit as awaful as the situation was actually did help. It took a while to readjust back out but it was like i could breathe again. I didn't have leave because i was to high risk so was cooped up inside, 2 visitors in 9 days but had talks with the nurses in there and gave myself that chance to just get myself together abit. Feels like both a long time ago and only yesterday that happened.
@Sans911
In response to: Re: rough time
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: rough time
Oh lil Sis, you so need my hugs right now.
So if the problem is with you speaking to someone, is there a way when things come up in between sessions to write things down? Like your worry box? It doesn't need to be journal like. You could just make bullet points. Would something like that help at all, where you can hand it to her at the beginning of the session?
That's so challenging if you have an eating disorder hun. But I'm glad you reached out for help. That's a start in the right direction.
You have so many things happening all at once, it's no surprise that when you are in a session you get overwhelmed, confused and don't know where to start.
And lifting the lid to find a mess makes total sense. It's how I felt in the last 3 years. I can't close that lid & perhaps I shouldn't a anyway.
@outlander
So if the problem is with you speaking to someone, is there a way when things come up in between sessions to write things down? Like your worry box? It doesn't need to be journal like. You could just make bullet points. Would something like that help at all, where you can hand it to her at the beginning of the session?
That's so challenging if you have an eating disorder hun. But I'm glad you reached out for help. That's a start in the right direction.
You have so many things happening all at once, it's no surprise that when you are in a session you get overwhelmed, confused and don't know where to start.
And lifting the lid to find a mess makes total sense. It's how I felt in the last 3 years. I can't close that lid & perhaps I shouldn't a anyway.
@outlander
In response to: Re: rough time
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
Your hugs are always welcome sis. Hugs for you too. The squishy lil sis hugs just because i can
I guess i could try writing them down in dot points and see how that goes. Its hard picking a focal point because i dont want to waste the sessions either.
My psych has suggested exposure therapy but very slowly but i dont know now. There just seems to be a pileup of things-big things happening this yr that i dont know if thats going to be a good direction either.
I can be totally anonymous with this service so it works well and out of those sessions while i know its not an overnight fix they have given some helpful suggestions for these circumstances until i feel ok about speaking to a gp which again i dont have a regular one since mines left.
No i think once the lids off im not sure it goes back on anyway so just to keep packing snd sorting as we go. @Sans911
I guess i could try writing them down in dot points and see how that goes. Its hard picking a focal point because i dont want to waste the sessions either.
My psych has suggested exposure therapy but very slowly but i dont know now. There just seems to be a pileup of things-big things happening this yr that i dont know if thats going to be a good direction either.
I can be totally anonymous with this service so it works well and out of those sessions while i know its not an overnight fix they have given some helpful suggestions for these circumstances until i feel ok about speaking to a gp which again i dont have a regular one since mines left.
No i think once the lids off im not sure it goes back on anyway so just to keep packing snd sorting as we go. @Sans911
In response to: Re: rough time
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: rough time
I dont think you necessarily need a focal point for each session @outlander. Perhaps you can review all the things you've written down. Some you might have worked through yourself, perhaps something else is not so important once a bit of time has passed. So maybe put a number next to each point in terms of priority. That way, she knows what's most important to you.
In response to: Re: rough time
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
Yes that is a good idea @Sans911 i guess i can do that
In response to: Re: rough time
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: rough time
Got to say goodnight now sorry @outlander. Talk some more tomorrow
In response to: Re: rough time
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: rough time
Goodnight @Sans911 sleep well xo
