rough time

Im trying to stay connected to here. Our convos of a night are helpful in that and my love for you and others is what is keeping me going even when i cant say much. I am being selfish but I need you too. @Sans911
Its weird that im feeling so much but yet nothing too. You know how sometimes when your talking to people the conversation is almost like its empty? Thats whats happening alot lately both online and offline so it is making that staying connected part hard. I dont like my posts to come across as robotic.

I thought i was past these constant appointments, tests, worrying about health but just when i think that is over it gets slammed back into me. Doesnt feel very fair.
Im tired and fatigued but it never seems enough to stop that constant restlessness either so im always moving and that doesnt help when your barely wanting to move as it is.

Its very messy inside and out lately 😞

Its pretty hot in your city too isn't it @MDT hopefully youve got aircon in your house.
Hope you sleep well

@Former-Member how are you going? Is things with D a little better than the other night?

Thats ok @Former-Member goodnight will try to catch you another day/night ❤❤❤

Hearing you lil Sis @outlander 💜 💜 💜 Hugs my angel.

You're not being selfish BTW, you're just protecting yourself. I get that.

You haven't had it fair for a very long time. I know you've been slammed over and over again. I can't imagine how difficult that is for you. You barely get up to go down again. And I feel so hopeless as all I can do is be here to be a place for you to fall. A willing ear. I'd love to be of practical help if I could. All I can do is offer my virtual hugs.

Just keep going lil Sis. That's maybe the last thing you want to hear, but it's got to improve in time. It has to.

You are far from helpless @Sans911 your listening ear, words of any kind and your hugs have been a major contributor in helping me keep going and keep putting one foot in front of the other with alot of those warm fuzzies along the way.

Its not the tests scaring me so much as what the results may be. It makes me feel so sick. I need to find out if i can see someone else who doesnt work in that hospital where the gynae. Is i know to many that work in and around it. Its to much for me to handle as it is let alone having to possibly bump into people. Lots and lots of i cant thoughts. I just want it over or rewind the clock. I really dont know what im suppose to do.

Its hard being the person with all the problems. I dont want to be like this.

Im sorry please dont feel obligated to respond. I dont want to burden you. Im sorry

It's the unknown that's the most fearful. I understand that. Even as a nurse I don't know everything so some things for me are pretty scary too.

That must be difficult when you know the same people you've worked with before.

When I was in hospital post suicide attempt, and I saw staff I had worked with, I would hide under the covers or pretend I was asleep.

You are stronger than you realise @outlander. You will get through this stuff. I guess you just have to hold on to a good outcome