Appleblossom, You're response was very useful for where I am right now. I am going through my own personal crisis about all this, so if you pick up that I'm stressed and angry, it's because I am, but then I feel guilty and confused because he's ill. I feel exploited at times but every day is so much drama and I think maybe he can't help his behaviour. But lately,he has become incredibly uncaring. He can see that I am ill but won't carry something for me, for example. A few weeks ago, I finally booked a holiday to see my Mum and my brother in NZ.First in a long time. I ended up cancelling it at the last moment, losing all the money and upsetting my family, because he said he had a new condition (physical) and suggested that he was suicidal and that I needed to make " a mature decision" about whether I should leave or not.. I decided at the departure gate that I couldn't go as he has no one else. He never said thank you.
Today,after I wrote that post, I went into the kitchen and bathroom and put up notices with basic house rules written on them. He pretty quickly disobeyed cleaning up the kitchen bench after yourself by leaving dirty cutlery, I put it in the sink and said that was the last time I would do it,and it was.
I think you are right. I feel very stongly that all limits have been passed andI'm being used. Unlike your son, he never admits it, or laughs about it. He obsessively talks about himself in the form of his ill health. He pretty much lives in his room again and might go to the shops but does not socialise at all( except online), so maybe it's hard for him to think about others.
I feel it's not even a choice now. Something has broken in me and I just can't continue like this.
Usually when I try this type of change; aggression, threats and such are close behind. At that point I shut off and give up.
Thistime I will call the police or leave..
I've never understood how we're supposed to do that. It seems an unreasonablething to ask a parent to do,maybe it is. But I can do it now.
I'm scared of leaving because he has nobody: no nonvirtual friends or family here,except me. He has said recently that he feels suicidal or like killing people, that anything is possible now. But I cannot keep being manipulated like this, for two reasons: it's ruining my health and life and I think ultimately it is likeloy just indulging his self obsession. I don't want my son to be a person with no thoughts for anyon else, which at the moment,evn he says he is.
I might be rambling. I'm trying to put pieces together and make my own dcisions and changes. Knowing if all depressed people have no ability to clean up after themselves, always seemed ludicrous
but it's so crazy and confusing living here.
Again, thankyou.
