Hi im new here

Hello, I think im posting wrong by making a new thread?

Sorry about that. This place is a lil confusing at the moment for a fresh face.

I have extreme paranoia and anxiety. I have obessive thoughts that lead me to anxiety attacks, they disrupt my day and nights and they are causing me to live each day in a torturous head space.

I have ptsd from my upbringing in a strict emotionally and physcially abusive home. Coming to terms with bein molested by my grandpa as well.

I was in a long term relationship from the age of 14-23, this relationship was emotionally abusive as he had anger issues and extreme jealousy issues.

i was single for 3 years after this relationship tryingto focus on healing from the head f*** and really went a long way to process that whole relationship

-what i did wrong

-where he ws coming from

-why he treated me the way he did

-he came to terms with his anger issues and sought out councilling in the last year we were together but i had alot of resentment and wanted to be on my own as i felt very held back.

7 months ago i ended a year and a half relationship with a guy who had bpd- this relationship was shockingly nasty and really diminished my self esteem, trust and did no favours for my ptsd and paranoia.

I am not trying to play the victom as I understand i hve a pattern of behaviour, and i have chosen to stay in these relationships.

RIght now i am in a new realtionship with someone who i was really good friends with for a year; we were both single and just got really close and now we are in a really beauitful loving relationship. I have never felt so comfortable with a person, or felt so heard. The comunication is great and he doesnt try to control me, he listens to me and my boundries.

But now i am really messed up. I feel bad becasue i have brought alot of baggage into this relationship and i now feel i am projecting all the jealousy and negativity from my past realtionships onto this one. I obsess over scenarios i make up in my head and i have caused myself to have anxity attacks over these thoughts. they are so irrational, i cant focuz they take up my whole day. I have spoken to my partner about how i am feeling and have been met patience and understanding, but i have let on to him of quite how crazy i am. I am going through torture. I have had to delete social media accounts becasue i have been stalking his accounts and obsessing over people he interacts with.

My partner is a musician, we both are and infact play together. and do alot of our creativty together. i also have my solo project as does he. I am finding dating an artist really hard as i just get paranoid and find it hard to cope with women who fall in love with him over his music and how they interact with him online.

i have stopped smoking weed, which has been a long term habit becasue it has given be drug induced pychosis and extreme cases of paranoia.

i just need help and advice. i know i am not this person. I dont want to ruin this relationship...

i know ther is a healthy level of jealousy and that it can beqite good for a realtionship uno, coz it builds trust and it shows you care, and it opens uo conversation and getting to know eachother. but i am suffering, and i am suffering an extreme cas of paranoid jealousy.

i do trust him. its the thoughts that take over. i do see a councellor and have been since before we started dating as she was helping deal with my last boyfriend. just need advice on a few things.