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Drugs are bad they ruined me

tillster007New Contributor25 Dec 2017, 11:46 pm AEDT

Drugs are bad they ruined me

Hi people im Darren I’m 36 and I’m suffering severe depression and anxiety it all started back in 1995 after I first tried pot I was only 14 it hit me hard I completely freaked out it nearly ruined my life I left school got depressed had panic attacks for months lost my self also I was born without sweat glands I can’t sweat at all I managed it fine right up till then anyway as time went by I guess I got over it I seemed to find my self again got into a relationship and years went by I was ok but in 2004 I made a bad choice to try it again I guess cause I wanted to face the fear of what it did to me but I also only did it cause most of my friends were so it was mostly a social thing anyway I smoked it everyday for 8 years bongs and I guess I handled it very well I was working security I was social I seemed happy and in 2011 I decided that’s enough I quit it completely for at least a year or more but after that I had few tokes off joint over the years till recently 3 months ago and I have been going through hell guys panic attacks depression anxiety bad thoughts insecure it’s like over the last 5 years my life has hit me hard I feel lost don’t know who I am I can’t sweat nothing out it feels like that’s a huge problem with all the pot I smoked it completely changed my brain and world I’m a carer for my parents the last 4 months I can barely go out down the street I can’t have my parents leave me alone I’m so scared of my own reality it feels like I’m gonna completely freak out and die lose complete control I haven’t left the perninsula where I live in close to 3 years it feels lm stuck in a reality I can’t get out of I have to constantly splash water over me to least make me feel with it it’s like my brain has completely flipped I feel like what’s the point in anything my whole life has hit me hard right up till this moment I can’t belive I went back to it in 2004 after what I went through in 95 I now know that not sweating is a huge problem I feel like I’m trapped in deep phycosis the thought of being alone terrifies me every day is a struggle I have been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes which I take medication for which I have mangaged well my sugar intake is low now I try look after me self a lot more be hygienic I walk me dog every day I’m trying so hard to feel normal after all those bongs I smoked for 8 years has finally taken its toll on me and my life please if anyone can relate reply I’m also on anti depressants which I freaked on taking cause I just didn’t want to warp my brain anymore than it is been on em just over a week now I can feel em trying to balance me but I’m still lost in my world it’s so hard to live a straight life when u have altered ya brain chemistry completely and im still living in the same place where i did it all everything I have gone through and pretty much been where I live down here on the perninsula I have thought about suicide but I don’t think I could do it I’m just mentally stuffed up really bad the choices I’ve made in my life have come full circle at the end of the day I need to find my self through all my past and future it’s the toughest thing ive ever gone through in my life

6 replies

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In response to: Drugs are bad they ruined me

Unknown userMember26 Dec 2017, 12:42 am AEDT

Re: Drugs are bad they ruined me

Hi @tillster007

A very warm welcome to Sane. Heavy pot smoking can alter brain chemistry - this happened to my daughter which was one of the major triggers of her diagnosis bi-polar 1 disorder. She has been off drugs now for awhile and her mental health has significantly improved.

You said you were on anti-depressants but stopped taking them out of fear they will warp your brain more. They won't my friend - they will help restore your brain chemistry over time. Are you under the care of a psychiatrist? That is a must. The right medication taken regularly together with total abstinence from drug and alcohol consumption and a healthy lifestyle - will improve your mental health vastly over time. Also seeking the support of a drug and alcohol counsellor and/or a psychologist who specialises in addiction and anxiety, will help you to see this through.

It can take some time, some years doing the latter to feel better - but there is every hope that eventually you will. So please hang in there and don't give up. There is nothing we can do about past mistakes but learn from them and moving on to make choices towards a better future.

I would recommend when you do start to feel better to find something in life that really matters to you to pursue, something that means something to you . When you get very anxious trying positive talk back and keep your mind and body very busy to distract from the anxiety. This will help you through those bad days and help prevent from falling off the wagon again. The care you give your parents is very admirable. Hope to see you around the forums 😊

In response to: Drugs are bad they ruined me

utopiaSenior Contributor26 Dec 2017, 7:37 pm AEDT

Re: Drugs are bad they ruined me

@tillster007. Good to see you post here.
You've just started taking antidepressants. It takes at least 4 weeks for the effects of these to work on you.
So in the meantime, it's important to try and focus on any positives in your life - your parents etc. When negative thoughts come - try and push them away.
Do you have a counselor or psychologist that you see? I'd highly recommend seeing someone. It has helped me just as much as my anti depressants have.
Keep talking to people. Try not to isolate yourself. Keep posting on this forum. We are affriendly bunch and there is always someone here to talk to.

In response to: Drugs are bad they ruined me

Fancy_PantsSenior Contributor27 Dec 2017, 2:38 pm AEDT

Re: Drugs are bad they ruined me

Hi @tillster007

Welcome to the forums!

Im sorry to hear about all that you have been and are going through it sounds very confusing and lonley, I hope you find this to be a safe supportive space.

I think that @utopia is right and meds to take at least a month to work and sometimes longer to reach therapeutic levels but it would be worth asking your dr what to expect with your particular kind of med. I know that @Troubled_One has spoken about a history of use and survival (and help from drs and meds)

drug induced pyschosis is an old thread but it talks about MH issues as a result of drugs and how they determined that they were not in a deep psychosis

and we also have fact sheets on anxiety that may help http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/Panic-Attacks/m-p/10981/highlight/true#M949 and http://www.sane.org/information/factsheets-podcasts/158-anxiety-disorders i know that some type of therapies like CBT and exposure have had some good outcomes with this

In response to: Drugs are bad they ruined me

MuzzContributor28 Dec 2017, 8:05 pm AEDT

Re: Drugs are bad they ruined me

It'll take time bro. Try not to push it and take time if you can you'll feel happier. Feels like it won't end but it will. I would talk to a GP. Try to ask a lot of questions If they put you on meds so you know what they are and how long you should take them. Meds aren't a long term solution because they affect your brain but they may get you over a hump. There is probably a lot of other stresses in your life at the moment and worrying about bong smoking stuffing you up is maybe just added pressure. But if you have people you can trust, even calling lifeline, it might help to get this worry out of your head. Best of luck bro sincerely

In response to: Drugs are bad they ruined me

Manicmatt22Contributor05 Jan 2018, 12:10 am AEDT

Re: Drugs are bad they ruined me

Darren, you are never alone. There are many services, free and paid for, that will assist you greatly along the way. I have panic attacks, bipolar, addiction - drugs and gambling, impulsivity issues, am a Narccicist, MPD, ADHD, Diagnosis undetermined, acute severe depression, a Pathological liar. I'm all round screwed up and I've used many a drug. Right now I'm alone, by choice and choices I've made. We can't change our pasts, we can elect to influence our future to whatever extent we want or wish for. Plenty of smarter people than us on here too. They will be empathetic, caring and kind to you. You are not alone my friend. I put a lot of bad karma, out into the air in 2018 already, I've screwed up everything. FUBAR, I just told the mother of my children to keep our kids away from me and my family. For their own protection. We makechoices every split second of the day. Don't let the bad choices determine who you are. Get back to having a healthy relationship with yourself and rebuild the relationships with the people that love you. You can get through this. anti-depressants, tried a lot. Ultimately, your in charge. Your brain is part of you. Retrain your brains neural pathways. Study, learn a new language, take up a hobbie, read to your kids like it's real life. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
Good Luck, nothing worth doing is easy. Live, life, love.
Matty

In response to: Drugs are bad they ruined me

tinolatinContributor10 Jan 2018, 4:18 am AEDT

Re: Drugs are bad they ruined me

Hi @tillster007<br><br>Greetings here first, I’m interested in your story. I’d like to ask more questions if you might be open about it. <br><br>As the others said, nurturing your brain is good, games as an example are good activities and try to get on some sports if you can. Marijuana is a hell of a drug. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can and the Wisdom to know the difference

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