How do I know?

We’re living in a crazy world.
I know I’m already at an age now where I look at what happens around me and feel old. How come my phone takes higher resolution photos than my good old digital camera? When did the GoPro come out? Why do I still have CDs and DVDs when everything is available at all times? I’ve got cookbooks and collections of recipes, but googling a recipe is easier than going through my books. Books get read to me via audible and not page by page. People hit likes on photos on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram and I’m sure there is a lot of platforms I don’t know about. People tell me about online dating and apparently you can find a companion for the night via tinder. Letters are a thing of the past and writing emails is less as well, you can just blog or let people be part of your life on social platforms. We are always reachable by that little device I’m just writing this post on.
How do I know that all this is not making me ill?
There are therapist and psychiatrists to help figure out problems. Then there is medication that can help level me out. Then medication has side effects and that can be beaten by other side effects which requires yet more chemicals in my body.
How do I know that this is not making me sick?
Then there are labels that describe my condition. Or rather labels and I accumulate them like trophies and sometimes they get changed. Labels bring understanding and restrictions. Labels can be used as an excuse to further hide.
How do I know this doesn’t make me more ill?
I remember a time when I talked to my best friend about the sexual abuse we endured when we were children, and we were still children when we shared our horrors. I remember talking and crying and drinking etc when war hit my family. I remember making bad choices to cope. Now this is called acting out.
How do I know that acting out isn’t exactly what I need to do?
I find it hard to live in a world where everything is judged, where there are so many labels, not just in mental health, but people are black, white, straight, gay, catholic, muslim etc and people use and misuse the terminology.
How do I know if all this segregation is not making me ill?
I remember a time when I never even knew or cared about the differences. My life was colourful, filled with people from all walks of life, different ages, ethnicity and sexual preferences and I didn’t care. I might have asked the odd question - as I am really inquisitive and sometimes insensitive, but people either loved or hated me for it and that was fine.
Nowadays I wonder what is politically correct to do, say or sometimes even feel.
How do I know that doesn’t make me sick.
I live in a crazy world and I’m not so sure if I’m the crazy one. I’ve asked before why I just can’t be who I am and why people can’t just accept and respect me the way I am. Why do I have to fit society, why do I have to work on my labels?
I have a right to be angry and sad and withdrawn or outgoing. I have a right to be who I am. Right?
I’ve always wondered what I would do if I just don’t want to live in this world anymore. I’ve researched it. And I think i have the right to make a choice. It is after all my life.
I am often confused and I have been told that I don’t process data as it is send and that I have unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, but how do I know they’re right?
I feel like a guinea pig in mental health. I get told there’s too little research into the labels I have and especially the interaction of my different labels. I have been told I’m treatment resistant. And I have been told that I will come out better the other end.
How do I know they are right?