Antisocial + schizophrenia + anxiety

Hi Zam

I have schizoaffective disorder and Bipolar 1. My voices have been quiet since I have been on medication however I am extremely anti social. My friends are on this board and I feel safe here. I would not feel safe talking about everything to someone other than my psychiatrist in real life. I am not really the right person to talk to but in saying that this year I have been much more friendly with my neighbours which is nice.

One of them actually brought around a cake for us to share. So I suppose start close to home maybe you could invite one of them over for a cuppa. You could join a local art class something calming that wont upset you. Good luck with it. BTW being more social next year is on my list to do too!

hello @Zam

that would be very hard to try and socialise whilst there are conversations in your head at the same time possibly all telling you to do something else....

spending alone time is a good thing as you already know....at times though we as human beings instinctively need some company...we are not made to cut ourselves off totally...

I have the labels of chronic depression, anxiety and trauma....labels to me

I have not any experience of overpowering voices in my head....

I do have experience of extreme anxiety....that is crippling at times..often inducing physical symptoms varying from person to person..

I too isolate myself far too often....I am quite comfortable with my own company...many others irritate me in fact...

however I can feel lonely after a while...if this builds up...my anxiety increases also..

I am only describing my experiences to let you know that I am very aware how intense your feelings of anxiety and loneliness might be..

breathing through my diaphragm as opposed to breathing through my nose and exhaling through my mouth helped me ...at times...

.grounding myself with nature helped me at times....

dancing and singing from room to room with very loud music also helped me at times....

reading a book helps me escape my thoughts and feelings most of the time..

when really bad a telephone call to lifeline has also helped on occasions..

I do realise that you are fully aware of all of this....I met you sometime ago and have never forgotten you Zam...

you touched my heart when you openly talked about your schizophrenia and shared such difficult experiences...

you are a beautiful soul...who is perhaps weary of the tremendous strength that you require to get through some bad patches...

this is why you have been led back here...perhaps your subconscious has brought you back to a place where you feel safe describing your current painful feelings..knowing also that you will not be judged here..

perhaps the voices are feeling stronger for you at present and you at this very minute want someone to know that you are tired...

I have read your every word.....I have taken in such strong pain that you are experiencing...that I can read between the lines...

I cannot take away those voices....I can let you know that I am listening....I care very much about you Zam....

you have been an ambassador for working towards changing people's mindsets in regard to such an overpowering illness....you are part of others working towards removing stigma against mental illness...

you are very valued on these forums....

perhaps you are unable to recall any of this from your memory...

my memory blanks out positive affirmations when I am very unwell...in fact I only feel confusion...frightened...disassociated...

I am battling with the dreaded depression which I now call the thing...by giving my torment a name...a title...it helps separate me from it...

I just want to let you know that there are many of us on these forums who know what a beautiful soul you have...

possibly you are feeling very vulnerable at this moment...do not want to be swamped...

I might have rambled on too much...one of my downsides...my passion flows and I have such a strong urge to give to you....I feel some of the intensity of your pain....I want to hold some of that for you for a while...so that you can feel some release...

I cannot take away your symptoms...but if you want to share the holding of some of those feelings for a while...you might feel a little more rested..

I am not taking these feelings anywhere...or sharing them with anyone else...just you and I..

when you have gained back some of that incredible strength that you have...replenished your energy..I know that you will face this ...you will overcome this time of agony...

you will find a way to take the next step ...a step in a new direction....a step taken by the replenished...even stronger than before Zam...

this is what we do...us outer souls....

all of us need help at times....we are not super heroes...we are us....gifted souls..

please let me stress that I am not undermining or ridiculing your situation and experiences...

I am opening my heart to you Zam...as you did with me ...you reassured me in relation to my older son..I will always remember your empathy and kindness..I have experienced changes in him during phone calls....different tones in voice....urgencies....fear...

so remember to breathe....pass over some of that load....too heavy to carry all when it all comes rushing at you...

there will be others who come to visit..

I will invite one ....I hope you dont mind...Queenie...perhaps I will get your permission first...

I do not want to betray your trust...so I will wait until you let me know...I will be guided by you....

this is your sanctuary..

stay safe

Dear sweet Zam, you have friends online here in the Forum. I will be a friend to you and I've had mild schizophrenia. Some say it's not schizophrenia because I only have my mother's voice and not all the symptoms. But I've experienced voices every second off meds, mainly familial voices. So I know how you feel. I have a friend Alan with chronic schizophrenia too and he is a good Christian. We send each other parcels at Christmastime. He comes from a good family that love and accept him and his illness.

I encourage you to get off the computer and read your local paper that advertises groups and perhaps to join a church or bibe study group. I've made a lot of decent friends at Bible study and they pray for you and come and visit you. Yes church for me has helped me imensely. Church is like a family to me as I'm isolated from family.

I've met people just walking up the road. So try to get out of the home and hop on a train or something and start chatting to someone.

Organisations like ozcare offer social support. And i get this. Also meals on wheels is great too.

Take good care dear @Zam. I really admire you for opening up. Look after yourself and have a happy christmas.

hi @Bunniekins

im happy to hear that the voices you hear have been quiet while you are on medication and that you have friends on here that you can talk with and having a psychiatrist you feel safe talking too. That is fantastic indeed,

that is awesome that you have been more social with your neighbour. it sounds like you are doing pretty well, and that makes me happy to know that. I hope things get better and better for you.

thankyou for your message

hi @Former-Member

Thank you for the reply. I always enjoy hearing from you, i can relate with you so much with anxiety and like you im comfortable on my own but at times i am so comfortable with it that i worry that i am missing out on many things and the longer i go not being social, i just get much worse with it. I find it very hard to interact with people these days and it gets to be a struggle just to leave my house becasue i dont want to be around people.. yet i miss people. That doesnt make much sense i guess.

i hope you are going okay with your anxiety. truly a horrible thing to have to put up with. Like you mentioned, reading helps a lot. Also at chemists you can get these gummi lollies for anxiety. They work great and they taste amazing.

Thank you for not forgetting me, my memory isnt the greatest but i surely have not forgotten you.

It is still weird to me that just writing out what i have experienced has seemed to help people on here. I still remember getting lots of replies saying i was helping, it was a nice feeling and im glad doing something as little as answering some questions that it helped anyone in the smallest way.

I cant thank you enough for your lovely message. i enjoyed reading it and you dont have to ask my permission to do anything 🙂

thank you again. i do hope you are taking good care of yourself

Hi @BambiFawn

Thank you for your message. I hope you are taking care of yourself and that the voice you hear is not a constant distraction. Hearing anything that others do not is always a hassle but i hope you are managing okay.

I hear 6 voices constantly even while on medication but about 80% of the time i can pretty much ignore them. When anxious or stressed though, they get incredibly loud and it makes it very hard to do anything though but it is what it is. no point dwelling on that since it is just apart of my life now.

That is fantastic you have such a great friend and have found a community of people that you are comfortable around. It sounds wonderful.

I dont really spend much time on a computer these days and try to go out as much as possible but yeah.

I wish i could go to a church type of community as im sure there are some lovely people there but the religious type of stuff is a big trigger for my psychosis, so its best i stay away from that type of thing.

But who knows maybe that wont be a issue one day.

thank you so much for your message and i hope all of you have a great Christmas

Thanks dear @Zam, without medication i heard my mother's voice every second but on meds I have managed to go into remission and don't hear voice. My friend with chronic schizophrenia hears voices on a high dose of medication and there are a lot that still hear voices on medication. Ya it's really hard and I understand completely. It was really painful to hear familial voices every second.

Ya getting out of the house is the best advice I can give you. There are also groups at your local neighbourhood centre. Toastmasters is good, where u learn public speaking and there are friendship groups. Also the local Rsl is a good place to meet people whilst doing the raffles or bingo there.

Ya I try to limit the amount of time I spend online, as I think it's healthier to get out. I spend time at my local christian bookshop and have coffees and I met a good friend there. Also the library dear @Zam is a good place to bump into others or sit in book groups at.

Cheers dear @Zam, you are a sweet, caring, kind person. Wishing you a very Happy Christmas and New Year.

dear @Zam, I have no immediate family, so ya it is quite lonely for me sometimes, but I have tried to make an effort to go to a support group which is a Bible study home group. I've made friends there, which is good. But I still need more friends I find. I made a good friend at Church that was a Deacon and he visits me and takes me out for coffee, which is so good of him. I have several close friends in other cities too that send me presents and keep in touch. My auntie calls me everyday too. I think I may try the Rsl club for raffles or bingo too. I may try the Neighbourhood Centre again too. The library is great for sitting reading a book in air conditioning too.

Dear @Zam, I hope you have a family that are there for you. My mother has abused me so the Police told me to relinquish all ties to her, so I have. I put healthy boundaries in place with her. Ya so it's hard for me without a mother sometimes, but then again it is easy too, as I have Jesus and my cat fluffy. Ya it's easy to have peace and happiness whe you've decided to simplify your life and have only people that love and support you in your life.

You are probably better off than me and have a family. I hope you do. Cheers and blessings and peace be to you dear @Zam

Dear Zam thank your for your kind words, wishing you a wonderful Christmas and a even better New Year love greenpea xx

dear ZAm, i used to hear 3 familial voices, my mother, father and aunt. But these days the medication blocks out the voices. My cherished friend with chronic schizophrenia hears legions of voices on a high dose of medication. I can only imagine how painful that is. The medication does not stop his voices, which is very hard. He says it just quietens the spirits.

Hope you are having a happy Christmas eve dear @Zam. Hugs and blessings.