Confused about thoughts and feelings.

Your description of the complexity of emotions and mental states is so accurate to my experience too, @Former-Member. Mine are sometimes like: sunny on the surface; with a dense, dark, heavy weight in the centre; and jangly nerves at the edges. That dense, dark, heavy weight is a place I can't access in some ways either, in that I can't really identify what the feeling is, other than to call it depression. I also relate to just not even being able to identify what I'm feeling or thinking, either because I feel kind of numb to it at that moment, or because it's just too complex for words.

With that question, 'how are you', I assume it is only meant to be a conversation starter, a kind of ritual greeting that rolls off people's tongues, not a serious query requiring a complex answer. And I just say, 'fine', or 'not too bad' or 'not great but I'll survive'. Anything much more downbeat than that seems to be embarrassing in many social situations. Different with friends, but not always. Different on the forum of course too, because this is a space created especially for these painful experiences we don't always get to express elsewhere.

hi @Former-Member

yes, there's the superficial "how are you?" question, like noone really cares what the answer is, so as long as I am upbeat answering that with "excellent" or "fine" or "good, what about yourself?"....part of that small talk stuff which I don't get and would prefer not to do, but you know, its playing the game and it's enough for some people.

And then there's the psychologist's question of "how are you?" question, when I haven't seen her for two weeks and my anxiety's up to 120 out of 100 and I want to stick my head between my knees and hyperventilate and I answer "fine" as I don't look at her and pretend to read the titles of the books on her bookshelf and she knows that I'm faking it. How can I explain the super duper hyper anxiety, when it feels like static electricity all around me and if someone touches me in passing I will totally flip out? Or the times when I need stability and organisation in my life? Or the times I give or donate all my stuff away? Or if I'm feeling stuff that I can't identify?

That's why the forums are such a safe place for me. I don't have to pretend.

This probably hasn't helped much.