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Re: New here, my story (BPD).

inertiaNew Contributor20 Dec 2017, 10:31 am AEDT

Re: New here, my story (BPD).

Hi everyone,

my partner was pre-diagnosed with BPD over 5 years ago and has denied to this day that anything is wrong but she is prone to violent outbursts (physical abuse and verbal), incessant talking lasting for hours and psychotic episodes of emotion from anger to collapsing in a heap and sobbing. This is often triggered by for example not saying "Good morning" to her when I wake up first thing or giving my daughter more attention than my wife.

This has happened on average about every two weeks for the past two years. To cut a long story short since I have been with her it has put a strain on our marriage and trying to bring up a 1 yr old daughter.

I am at my wits end and calling the paramedics to calm her down is wearing thin. It has become too much to live in the same house as her and I have just run out of "feeling sorry" for her. I have feelings of guilt because I want to be a good supportive father and be on the spot to see my daughter reach milestones (being able to walk, birthday parties and spending time together) It is good to see others here offering support and I am grateful to be able to read of strategies and stories.

Any advice, support, strategies, support would be great. She has a good support in her sisters but her parents just deny, deny, deny...I am in the process of contacting the doctor she was supposed to begin treatment with to get the ball rolling on concrete help.

Thanks for taking time out to read my story.

3 replies

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In response to: Re: New here, my story (BPD).

katastropheSenior Contributor20 Dec 2017, 1:57 pm AEDT

Re: New here, my story (BPD).

Hi @inertia, and welcome to the forum!

You've shown great strength by firstly being supportive and understanding with your partner's challenges with borderline personality disorder, and also by seeking help on the forum.

Other users have found it helpful to do a quick search to see if any similar discussions have already taken place. There are likely ideas, strategies, websites, etc in previous threads that might assist you with your situation.

Is there anyone out there in forum land who can recommend a specific thread to inertia to have a look at? Or anyone who can relate to this situation who can contribute to the discussion?

In response to: Re: New here, my story (BPD).

DeterminedSenior Contributor20 Dec 2017, 10:35 pm AEDT

Re: New here, my story (BPD).

Hi @inertia and welcome to the forum

Living with BPD is tough, the best advice I can offer is to ensure that you have adequate supports in place for yourself. Both a trusted friend or family member you can talk to and professional, psychologist/ councillor. Without this support burnout is inevitable. You need to look after you in order to be able to look after your wife and daughter.

My wife (18 years) lives with BPD and I can relate to what you are saying. I'm not sure how much help I can be at the moment as I am pretty much over 'feeling sorry' myself at the moment and also at my wits end. (We are currently working through some issues) but happy to answer any specific questions that you may have where I can.

We have 3 children (2, 10 & 12), having children has certainly given me strength to press on, for the benifit of the children. The biggest thing for me though has been to separate my wife from the illness that she lives with.

Here is a thread I started earlier in the year around setting some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not as rules to be enforced), it gets off track after another relapse but the first couple of pages you may find useful.

Hope this helps.

In response to: Re: New here, my story (BPD).

NirgalContributor14 Apr 2018, 9:42 pm AEST

Re: New here, my story (BPD).

Hi @inertia. You posted this a while ago and I was wondering where you are in your journey. My situation is quite similar.

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