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QueenieSenior Contributor
Crying here right now. I don't know why he doesn't love me? He used to when I was a little girl. He doesn't want anything to do with me.
Why does he promise me things and never come through on them? He promised me to meet up tomorrow, but he didn't didn't specify where or when. Now he isn't coming. I don't get a single Christmas greeting from any member of my family.
That makes me cry. Why do they hate me so much?
In response to: I think I've been massively triggered!
utopiaSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: I think I've been massively triggered!
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
@Queenie I am sorry to hear you are grieving so very deeply for your dad as he used to be. I can very much relate to the agony of that loss. I would like to say that it gets better in time, but to be honest, it hasn't for me - and it has been twenty years. I will love the man that I perceive as my dad until the day I die. I wish I had something more useful to say, but I don't. All I can tell you is that I hear you. 
In response to: Re: I think I've been massively triggered!
QueenieSenior Contributor
I once heard from a psychologist that the true definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I guess that means I am crackers, totally lost it. I know in my heart of hearts, he'll never change. I wish he would make up his mind. You see, he dangles that carrot of love and acceptance in front of me obviously knowing I'll take the bait. He says when he makes all these perverted plans that he cares about me and stupidly I fall for it each time, hoping it will be different (it never is).
You are right @utopia, he won't change really. I've got to stop hoping that he will have a change of heart, when he hasn't for 26 years. I guess I've got to just let him go, as much as it hurts. I've been through too many years of therapy trying to process the final loss of family. I have no brother (he's dead), no mother (she's dead). I guess to my Father, I died a long time ago (or at least that's how I am treated).
No, it doesn't get any easier or better @Phoenix_Rising. My Mrs is refusing to have much to do with me because she believes I need to just block him so he can't call or text me (give him a taste of my life). The only reason I keep in contact is because he's all I have from my side of the family. It's just hard, especially at this time of year when everyone is playing happy families).
In response to: I think I've been massively triggered!
utopiaSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: I think I've been massively triggered!
QueenieSenior Contributor
That they are indeed @utopia.
I think I'm going to go offline for the rest of tonight. I need to process this in my stupid old head, hammer it in so it will stay (so to speak). Listening to random playlists on youtube to muffle my tears isn't helping either... it keeps on playing either James Blunt, Ed Sheeran or Christmas carols (I have no idea why the carols as I never searched them).
Goodnight all and thank you for all your replies.
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
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