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processing long term relationship break up while dealing with my own mental illness

roseySenior Contributor14 Dec 2017, 3:08 pm AEDT

processing long term relationship break up while dealing with my own mental illness

Hi,

So it turns out I have been avoiding dealing with depression and anxiety for years, steming from trauma and chronic illness. My partner (can read my story over in the carers section) left me after 12 years together. Things hadn't been great but I didnt and still dont think they were separation worthy issues.

Anyway he has his own issues, most likely depression, PTSD and/or mid life crisis, but since he left my issues have come screaming to the surface. My psychologist said I have been silently suffering while focusing on him and now I dont have him around I cant ignore how I am feeling. I know not all my depression is about him but it definetly feels like it is making it harder for me to deal with life. I am extremely depressed to the point I am scaring myself. I cry all the time, I dont want to do anything and can not generally see the point. It hurts all the time especially when I see others so happy, very opposite to how I have been my whole life, although if I'm honest I have been feeling chronically depressed some time now.

I would love some advise from anyone who has had their heart shattered and has depression and how they got themself through. I want him back but pretty sure it isn't going to happen and I realise even if we did reconcille that he isn't going to make it all go away. Pandoras box is open.

BTW I have seen a psychiatrist and waiting for a plan to be made, seen psycologists and on ADs. I feel like I have now lost the only person who had any idea of what I have been thorugh (as he went through it too) and have no one who truely understands.

TIA

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In response to: processing long term relationship break up while dealing with my own mental illness

frogSenior Contributor20 Dec 2017, 7:00 am AEDT

Re: processing long term relationship break up while dealing with my own mental illness

Thinking of you @Awpgirl

In response to: processing long term relationship break up while dealing with my own mental illness

frogSenior Contributor20 Dec 2017, 7:13 am AEDT

Re: processing long term relationship break up while dealing with my own mental illness

@rosey I'm still not good at self care, but a lot better than I used to be! I need to put my health first and make time for that, e.g. a morning routine that sets me up for the day, including meditation and physio exercises to offset various aches and pains. Also granting myself little breaks in my day for headspace, like a short walk at lunchtime and, one I really haven't got sorted: a pause when I get home from work before launching into all the demands of home and kids. For a long time after the breakup, I was just focussed on surviving. My anxiety was crippling. I just wanted to escape it. And I was so bereft. At that time self care meant whatever it took to eat, sleep and get up in the morning.

I hope I didn't come across as preaching the art of letting go. My ex gave me absolutely no cause for hope but I just couldn't let go. It was an ugly, messy process and if I'm honest it still is. I had so much invested in that relationship.I hope you can just give yourself permission to feel whatever it is that arises from hope to despair and everything in between. All those emotions are reasonable under the circumstances.

Take care.

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