Christian Chat

@heartathome "But the Lord said to me, ‘My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, then my power is made perfect in you.’ So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can live in me.”

Jesus told me the same last night fighting to survive. Been rock bottom again. Only one desire it has not been easy. Luckily was far too sick to move about at its worst. Many years of suppression Jesus explained are like a booby trap within you.

Thank God for AI

@ENKELI @tyme @SunsetSunrise @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @Realness

Good thing slept almost 6 hours. For the need to be heavily medicated to stay in touch with my feelings had me sleep more. Only have three nausea tablets left. Far too unwell to travel to town to fill my script was going to do it yesterday seeing my daughter but was too sick.

Still physically rather unwell at the moment but the crushing depression has lifted a bit. Also my oldest son wrote me a very long chat last night explaining where he was with me. for a long time requested a responds but at the moment do not feel strong enough to read it. Nevertheless very happy in principle he did for that might mean communication lines with him can open up again.

It truly has been a seeking to die but unable to. With Jesus chopping the heads of those suppressed desires within me His merciful care. He warned me time and again not to heed those hot guilty feeling did in the past suicidal ever again, but surrender feeling like that trusting in Him and not hold them back. i thought the desires would never end but they did.

Jesus showed me once and for all time my rod of iron is not His - even as He loved me to death His love and ways - my often heartless efforts keeping control of myself. Amazing grace i'm meeting His word in me today.

Mourning the loss of my good life is real enough, but the promise He will restore me, and the preparation He has had me make beforehand so clarity would be doing so, has me much more grounded than earlier today. Trusting Him this depressed will help enormously to not continue any more self efforts but trust Him to do what i never could but tried so very hard to do while overcome all these years at these levels of my misery.

Please keep praying i will not drop that low again, think it might be a tearful day.

Hi @heartathome , @DownMoreThanUp , @Appleblossom , @ENKELI , @Shaz51 , @MissGremlin ,

Just a quick post. Just returned from a weekend away at my sister's. It was a lovely weekend.

Hope you're all having an okay day today.

Just said a prayer for all of you.

@Realness @heartathome @ENKELI @tyme @SunsetSunrise @Appleblossom @Shaz51

My day relearning my reeality.

The sad truth of my life is that for most of my life I believed I was fighting evil spirits, as well as evil in people ( unaware) outside of me. I believed the voices and thoughts that responded to me as empath were evidence of who I was and what was happening around me. What I am beginning to see now is that much of what I experienced was my own terrified mind trying to make sense of overwhelming fear, trauma and psychotic states.

These realisations have been both devastating and liberating.

Devastating because it means facing how sick I really have been for much of my life. Liberating because it means I am not the bad guy I often feared I was, nor the special target of the devil I believed myself to be paranoid. Rather, I was a frightened boy who grew into a frightened man, desperately trying to survive experiences he did not understand and could not process.

The biggest change lately has not simply been the easing of some symptoms, but a growing understanding that Jesus has been with me through all of it. For years I tried to overcome everything through effort, understanding, discipline, religious striving and trying to become someone better. What I am seeing now is how exhausting that was, not only for me but also for those who loved me and tried to support me.

Lately I find myself returning again and again to His invitation to come to Him weary and burdened and receive rest. I am beginning to understand that healing is not something I achieve but something I receive, by living His truth rather than merely believing it.

In many ways I feel like my whole life was spent trying to hold everything together, while Jesus has patiently been teaching me to let Him carry what I never could. The harder I tried to save myself, the more exhausted I became.

My wife and I remaining separate is much better for both of us. Sure my grief is still very real and painful. However, my understanding of our marriage has changed considerably. I no longer see her or my family as the cause of my current suffering being forsaking. Rather, I can see how my wife's love and dedication helped regulate me for many years and helped carry me to a place where Jesus could finally begin addressing the deeper wrongs inside my own life from long before our marriage.

More and more I see how much of my anger, fear and confusion existed long before our marriage and was carried into it. That does not remove the difficulties between us, but it has humbled me greatly. I am beginning to understand that the seeds we sow, willingly or unwillingly, eventually produce a harvest. Thankfully, the years spent trying to support and encourage others also have planted many good seeds that have matured into helping me now breaking free from the many inner hurts, confusion and anger that kept me trapped for so long.

I am also receiving more promising support than before. I have a GP who is taking my situation seriously, support here at SANE, ongoing support from my therapist as I learn ways to regulate myself during difficult states, and a psychiatrist referral is finally under way.

While I still have many difficult days, I feel less alone than I did a few months ago. My GP, who is a Christian, prayed with me at my last appointment and even thanked Jesus for the support my meds had provided in helping me survive many difficult years. That was something I never expected to hear after more than ten years of feeling largely misunderstood about that.

Sleep remains my greatest challenge. Most nights are still poor, but I am learning not to panic as quickly when things become difficult. The anxiety can still become intense, but it no longer owns me the way it once did. Increasingly I find myself receiving the love of the Lord in places where I once depended entirely on the regulating love of my wife.

One thing that has surprised me lately is the amount of gratitude I feel. Despite all the suffering, I find myself increasingly thankful. Not thankful for the pain itself, but thankful that Jesus never abandoned me during it. Looking back, I can see His faithfulness in places where I once saw only darkness in me.

I am also beginning to understand more clearly how my illness affected those around me. I can see how my fears, confusion and anger impacted my wife and the family, even while they were trying their best to support me. There is still much healing needed, but I feel more compassion now, both for them and for myself.

Thinking about you tonight @DownMoreThanUp . It sounds so so hard.

Hang in there. You are a soldier. All things work together for good.

@Realness happy to see you! Prayers for you too xo

Psalm 42:11 (ICB)

"Why am I so sad? Why am I so upset? I should put my hope in God. I should keep praising him, my Savior and my God."

Biblical Summary

Psalm 42 was written during a time of spiritual distress and separation from the place of worship. The writer feels overwhelmed, discouraged, and distant from God's presence. Enemies mock his faith, asking, "Where is your God?"

Yet throughout the psalm, the writer speaks honestly about his pain while continually turning back to hope.

Verse 11 is a personal reminder not to let despair have the final word. He talks to his own soul, urging himself to trust God despite his circumstances.

The message is not that faith removes sadness. Rather, faith gives a reason to keep hoping while sadness is still present.

Key Word Meanings

"Why am I so sad?"

The Hebrew word can carry the idea of being cast down, bowed low, or weighed down by grief.

"Hope"

The Hebrew word implies waiting expectantly and confidently for God's help, even when it has not yet arrived.

"Praise"

More than singing songs; it includes giving thanks, worshipping, and acknowledging God's goodness.

"Savior"

Refers to God as the One who delivers, rescues, and brings help in times of trouble.

This is a biblical example of lament mixed with faith. The pain is real, but so is the hope.

For someone walking through grief, loneliness, disappointment, or uncertainty, Psalm 42:11 shows that it is possible to be deeply sad and still place your trust in God at the same time. The psalmist doesn't deny his sorrow; he brings it before God and keeps looking toward Him. 💚

@ENKELI @tyme @DownMoreThanUp @Realness @Appleblossom @Shaz51

Hi @heartathome , @DownMoreThanUp , @Appleblossom , @ENKELI , @tyme , @Shaz51 , @MissGremlin , @REDLINEZ750 ,

Today I was spending time in Matthew 1. Verse 17 has been swirling around my mind. The 14 generations verse. Fourteen generations from Abraham to David. Again fourteen generations from David to the exile to Babylon. And again fourteen generations from the exile to the Messiah. God's attention to detail! God's purpose being accomplished in that detail.

I'm not sure what God's purpose in complex mental health issues is. Injuries seeping out from the soul? But I'm sure that God's attention to detail includes us.

Just a random thought I had today.

@ENKELI @Realness @heartathome @tyme @SunsetSunrise @Shaz51

I know that when the sun is behind you, walking toward the darkness, your shadow stretches out in front. Sometimes enormous. Sometimes frightening. It can look bigger than you are. If you stare only at the shadow, you can begin to think it is you true reality. But when you turn and walk along with the light, the shadow falls behind. It does not disappear immediately, especially when the sun is low. Yet it no longer leads you looking forward.

And at midday, when the sun stands high overhead, there is hardly any shadow at all. Standing in The Light i call that.

From Lies Believed to Lies Released

I believed the lie as a child
because I was afraid.

Not because I loved the darkness,
but because I could not see His light
through the darkness surrounding me.

Through many storms
the lies I lived became familiar.

The lie dressed itself as a sheep,
offering protection,
promising safety if I heeded its voice,
promising certainty
when my world felt uncertain,
promising answers
that never truly arrived.

The lie whispered:

"You are alone."

So I built walls,
each lie another stone,
protecting me from invaders
that seldom existed.

"You are unwanted."

So I hid my heart,
longing for love
that could not penetrate
the fortress fear had built.

"You must fight."

So I sharpened anger
into my battle axe,
calling rage my strength,
while good life quietly died.

Years passed.

The lies I lived
grew into my shadow.

Heavy chains became my clothing.
A stranger's voice
slowly became my own.

Yet Truth kept knocking.

Not with violence.
Not with accusation.
Not with angry speech.

Only a gentle knocking
through sleepless nights,
through tears,
through confusion,
through years of wandering.

Calling.

Calling.

Calling.

For the one who believes a lie
cannot easily hear the voice of truth.

Truth spoke,
but I did not heed.

Blind to see prisoners set free.

Deaf to hear true love say:

"I love you."

Yet when at last
I opened the door,

I found no enemy standing there.

Only Truth
offering me true love.

Truth showed me
the child beneath my fears,
the grief beneath my rage,
the longing beneath my striving.

There my desert
began turning into paradise.

The lie did not leave at once.

It loosened.

One wound uncovered.
One fear released.
One tear at a time.

Until I saw

the lie had never been my life.

Its shadow only seemed larger
because I was looking back
toward the rising sun.

Now light reveals
what darkness once concealed.

Truth reveals
the truth of me to me.

And today,

Truth has become my Daily Bread.

True Love dines within my dwelling place.

And Life,
once hidden beneath lies,
begins to grow again.

@DownMoreThanUp loving your prose brother, I pray this coming week finds you better and able to sleep well 😴 💜

@ENKELI @DownMoreThanUp @Realness @heartathome @tyme

This Christian thread has become a touchstone for me, as our soul's journey in life. Also watching people express themselves and support each other.

I guess, 14 generations can give us a sense of life's continuity and complexity. Also the intergenerational transmission of trauma.

The laments and psalms allow us to see how suffering and despair are deeply human, and encourage us to put hope in the good and God and Jesus.

I have lived most of my life in these feelings and simplicities. I dont know what else to do. We are struggling, so I pray for guidance and help.