@Realness @heartathome @c-user1999 @Honeymoon @ENKELI @Appleblossom
Sad news. My wife and me too felt it was needed, for us to cut off altogether. Numb the rawness of it.
Me sharing how she could help from afar keeping the connection between us open had her call my emotional needs for to open and transparent about her feelings communicating good and bad - crap - and promptly cut connection all together. Also our counselling meeting in half a hour about this she counselled.😭 Every time i mention my side this is what has happened.
It is going to be harder getting through this. Yet in many ways i also feel relieved for i already kind of knew it was like this our triggers over the years, and then seeing her manipulate me total isolation and cut off. Not her 'normal' self, ore maybe more correctly the way i understand her hid her true self and is not prepared to see me or give me even normal times together any more. Like her chats to me, apart of any running the place stuff, only if i did. She used to check in on me a few days a day. Just to say hi and i her. Yet asking why this had to be and how that related to us she would not answer. Confusing me enormously for as na em-path i had struggled to understanding these 'anti me' emotions coming from her for the last 30 years. i understood why. but didn't to know why she would not be open about that, or what she was then thinking. For i might feel emotions content, sad, grieving, upset, happy, trusting or disbelieving, but this does not mean i have any idea what she is thinking about what, or even if such emotions are aimed at me. While the the voices often commenting what she did think, which now she, has been doing, while i still disbelieve the voices but she did really nullify my greatest need at a critical time and left me literally on my own.
We both are seeing very clearly this is not going to work out as we are trying to do. With me trying to get better and struggling to settle and catch sleep hoping for improved connection. And her saying that was crap! When such are the most important things our relationship as far as i am concerned. i have taken her needs and desires as well as weaknesses into account, been trying hard at least, why can't she? Such are the hard questions i have been struggling with.
This is why we broke up. i will still try to heal and write my book. And i hope she also will continue work on her issues. i said when you are ready to come come and talk you know where i live.i do not hope she ever will. That is much safer than holding on to her who is no
more there for me. i must have sucked her totally dry emotionally my need for her over the years. i know i did not now. i told her it would help me is he did.
Now i have no one who supports me no more, Church has been in contact but supports have been not given only when repentantly begged for and then just an one off, he should be happy now for a bit. And i hate asking people when i struggle, it can get loud and wild.
Hard to come to grips with right now. To let forgiveness rule all of my family and especially for myself is needed big time now next time i awake in STATE.However i think that this only is for as long as i cannot sleep her breaking away has been helping although a lot of nausea and praying to stay connected to let thoughts pass not run with them until i'm more stable and have had more sleep.
Please pray for me and us.
