Christian Chat

Hey @Dimity , I hope this hasn't been too triggering for you. Are you able to practice some self-care?

Thanks @tyme I'll try, my toolbox of selfcare seems mostly empty

I've been thrown out and brushed aside from multiple churches because I had challenging views.

Talking to my case manager today she said to me the same thing as you @Dimity

I had so so many Christians shun me growing up, mental illness, neurodiverse, how my dad painted me. Then getting out I've had so many more because of what I've gone through.

Maybe that's why my views challenge the status quo, because I was one of the shunned. Until my last church and my current one.

They're keen to learn how to help me and others like me, so I'm not afraid to challenge them.

The community that is the current point of controversy is the one we're celebrating this month.

@Dimity

I'm sorry for triggering you

How can I help?

@Appleblossom @tyme @Shaz51 @avant-garde

I have not been to church for over 2 years. The church I used to attend was the same church my ex friend attended, and I didn't want to have to deal with seeing her.

For now, I just have to be content with Christian TV shows.

I don't understand why God has taken so much from me and left me lonely and embarrassed with how I look because of my missing front teeth.

God of miracles- where are they?!

Thanks @avant-garde knowing you care and we're all survivors helps.

@ENKELI

We may never understand why God does what He does. We may never know the lives we've touched because of our situation.

I'm going to tell you a story

As you may know, last year I was homeless for 9 months.

I was in multiple abusive situations, by people claiming to be Christian, asked my best friend to take care of my cat, had/have my abuser in my church and hadn't yet become active here.

I had my car broken into, a dodgy mechanic not help and take advantage of the situation and lost a lot of connections from the life I knew.

My life was dark, I felt alone, stranded, hurt, neglected, judged and well, you get the picture.

Yes we serve a God of miracles, but what kind of miracles are we expecting? How would you define miracle?

Jesus turning water into wine? A paralysed man or in a wheelchair getting up and walking? Cancer being healed?

Yeah that can happen, but what about miracles of the heart?

The Centurion saying "surely he was the son of God", the conversion of Paul... every conversion... every time someone says yes to Jesus... they are all miracles.

When you said no to sin and yes to Jesus @ENKELI that was a miracle.

-------------

9 years ago I wrote this

I used to think of miracles

As one big showy act

Healing, faith, prophesy

When it's so much more than that

To be drawn to these big churches

Because of all that they could do

Who could they make me

To be popular like them too

To have everyone know my name

The one to lead the army

Be the voice for the broken

Who they wanted me to be

To some day just be up there

To compete with God like them

To work so many miracles

That people would come to me

But that's not the simple miracles

That God performs each day

Breathing life into our lungs

Working in his way

To see the love of our Savior

That his death shows us true love

And that God does that everyday

To show us how much we're worth

Each of these little things

Is a miracle in itself

No it's not the flashy lights

Or all the pretty girls

That Christ wasn't a stage show

He didn't have that jazz

That his words were the miracle

Because in them there is grace

@Dimity @avant-garde @ENKELI @Shaz51 @tyme

Because I come from a complex institutional abuse family history, I have had to be careful about my involvement and expectations of churches. Also a dude with a Phd in New Testament studies also sent me a peer reviewed paper on the presence of narcissism within the churches. I have mostly been involved in 2 , but had active study of history and theology of a range of traditions, more so than the average laity or congregation member.

I was grateful to the nuns in my first orphanage, (1966) they seemed nicer than the staff in the state orphanages, but then decades later I learned some so called Christian brothers ( but not that particular order) had previously sexually abused my father. (1930-40s) Problems around pedophila and sexuality kept recurring in family patterns with different iterations. Then I was grateful to the Catholic Marriage Tribunal for the way they handled my annulment. It was a good and healthy process. (2000s)

I have had good and bad experiences. My family had various experiences. My mother in the end did the most damage, though I understood her and forgave ad nauseum. The official who gave me my annulment told me not to worry about my mother, easier said than done, as her manipulation seriously impacted my biological children.

A while ago I decided I needed to balance my involvement between, what I call Sacred and Secular, for my own personal stability. Yes, I can be triggered by so many things. Anchoring myself firmly in both has helped me distinguish what is due to people. Sometimes I find the sense of sacred in more secular settings. Churches and its peoples are not God. I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water, I have found a way I can serve, but don’t have a sense any one person will save me. I don’t really have a sense that God loves me, though I may have said that when I taught catechism as a teenager. Recently we sang a silly kid’s hymn, but it did make us smile and laugh. At times I am heartened by odd little things, I call them synchronicities more than miracles, that make me feel validated. Life is bloo dy hard.

I also frankly, would not be here if I hadn’t found sustenance from other spiritual traditions, Eg., Buddhism and meditation practices.

Our need to be loved is deep, but not all people carry it openly. Our need to contribute is also deep. I wish I could reassure you Enkeli, I love seeing your posts. I have had a lot of hang ups about my appearance, blaming myself and my appearance for many things. Not sure of your best way forward, but do not take other people’s bad behaviour too much to heart. It always hurts, but I am learning late in life, to figure out what is their BS, and it shouldn’t be mine to shoulder, and deflect it and very wearily keep moving on.

Dimity, I have found sometimes, repeated reflection is actually necessary, each time I process something, I have a fuller understanding, and can let it go…. Or see it in fuller perspective….a bit….. mind you, that is when I am feeling better. When I am vulnerable and get agitated, it can all come crashing down on me.

We have survived and deserve to find the strength and consolation that makes sense in our own particular path.

Thanks @Appleblossom yes oddly re-remembering and reinterpreting has been important to me. I suspect Augustine might have had something to say on the matter. Google AI showed some tempting rabbitholes I resisted going down.

Learning to distinguish and good judgment…

is important @Dimity in that we are often alone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32bFPD36M8g

he is human too…but very fortunate in his upbringing for his times. I tend to be more analytical about “the greats”… whether they be so called saints, or pop or. Movie stars.

yesterday I had brief talks with a Christian about psalms… and a Buddhist… so good and inclusive for me

@Shaz51 @avant-garde @tyme @ENKELI