BPD recovery

Hi @BeeGee

It's an interesting topic, one that I am not so sure if I will 'recover'. I have BPD. I remember going to a support group meeting once and the facilitator (who had BPD) said she was recovered. She said that to be diagnosed with BPD you need to meet 5 or more of the 9 criteria. And if you have less than that then you don't have BPD. So for eg if I have 6 of the 9 criteria and through my therapy I get better and now only have 3 of the 9 criteria then I am not 'classidifed' as having BPD. (does that make any sense???)

I still don't know about myself. All I know is that it is a long road to even feeling better, or even learning new ways. To me it feels like I was 'brainwashed' by my mum and controlled that now I have to learn new ways to live, new coping skills, new behaviour, new thinking. To me it feels like training a child again.

And it's not easy. And at what point do we say we are recovered. And you're right a pill won't solve BPD. If only it was that easy!!

Yes DBT therapy is the way to go at the moment with helping BPD. I am currently doing this. And I can tell you that it is the hardest thing ever to do. Changing your thoughts when in a crisis; changing your behaviour - it's hard.

I feel that for me I go so up and down at times, from one extreme to the other that I need to find a balance so I can live a happy, comfortable life and be happy with myself. So much still to learn.

I sometimes wonder if BPD is similar to Bipolar??

For me the hardest thing is to accept that Im ill.

I cant shake the shame, Im 47 and I SHOULD have a home, car, husband and successful career.

Instead Im bankrupt, lonely, have a work place injury {which I will never recover from} and have lost my zest for life.

So now Im trying to cope with having no expectations for myself, Ive just withdrawn from a uni degree because I have lost confidence in myself to ever get better, so whats the point?

Hi Astrid.

I was reading your post I am a moderator here for SANE and thought I would like to share with you how I have worked though a similar experience in my life. That could have been my post in 2012. I don’t say I know how you feel or what you should do but I hope you gradually find your place again. I am 52 and was a business owner during the GFC. Not a good outcome after 20 years. I now also rent and don’t own much. You know what though, I really come to realize once I let these expectations on myself go (the ones community seems to imply if you have money you are a success) I found that’s so not true if you break free from the expectations we had as the baby boomers generations or close to.

My life is actually now more real. I love not always worrying what people think. I respect myself more and care about others more. When I did “wake up from the fog” I started with the smallest steps I could handle. I went on to a little study and started to join into the community. The right people actually didn’t care if I had money or not. Sometimes I worry about the loss, that dragged me down; I have such a rich life now. I don’t think I actually realised how cheap I had made my life. My degree is still 5 years off no presser and I am learning heaps just being around the right people and yes I do at times struggle with spending habits.

No shame is my motto. One step at a time is my way. I do things that work for me and embraces my experiences now.

Sorry if I sound like I am preaching but I just connected to you post.

Kindly Tria

In my opinion, it's a life long disorder. But I don't think it could hinder a successful and happy life. In the long term that is. I think recovery is the wrong word. Maybe acceptance is more achievable. I think acceptance is more than just understanding and being okay with your illness. I think it's also about learning how to use it to your advantage. After being medicated, use the remaining highs to explore creativity, new ideas and use it to really get involved in something amazing. During the low use your time to pamper yourself and just to rest. I think recovery is really just learning that your illness is a part of you.And because it's a part of you can utilize it and make it your partner in crime. Use it to your advantage and use it to do the things you love. I'm just rambling....but that's my opinion. It might seem a little far fetched but I don't know, maybe it might work for some. It's served me well. I have more of a schizoaffective disorder but I'm still very much bipolar 1. My cycles are quite rapid, I change once every 4 weeks. I've also been psychotic for the last 10 years.....so that didn't help haha. But using my condition to my advantage never failed me. Turns out I've gotten a lot out of my experience that way. Just thoughts.

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@Sadgirl wrote:

Hi @BeeGee

It's an interesting topic, one that I am not so sure if I will 'recover'. I have BPD. I remember going to a support group meeting once and the facilitator (who had BPD) said she was recovered. She said that to be diagnosed with BPD you need to meet 5 or more of the 9 criteria. And if you have less than that then you don't have BPD. So for eg if I have 6 of the 9 criteria and through my therapy I get better and now only have 3 of the 9 criteria then I am not 'classidifed' as having BPD. (does that make any sense???)

I still don't know about myself. All I know is that it is a long road to even feeling better, or even learning new ways. To me it feels like I was 'brainwashed' by my mum and controlled that now I have to learn new ways to live, new coping skills, new behaviour, new thinking. To me it feels like training a child again.

And it's not easy. And at what point do we say we are recovered. And you're right a pill won't solve BPD. If only it was that easy!!

Yes DBT therapy is the way to go at the moment with helping BPD. I am currently doing this. And I can tell you that it is the hardest thing ever to do. Changing your thoughts when in a crisis; changing your behaviour - it's hard.

I feel that for me I go so up and down at times, from one extreme to the other that I need to find a balance so I can live a happy, comfortable life and be happy with myself. So much still to learn.

I sometimes wonder if BPD is similar to Bipolar??

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It's an interesting point you make @BlueBay. I think for all the help that the DSM brings in categorising disorders into meaningful groups, the stark binary application of the criteria as you describe is not helpful most of the time - i.e. if you meet 5 of 9 criteria you have the disorder, but if you meet 4 of 9 you don't. This implies that you can have those 4 criteria and be completely well - which I think is self-evidently absurd. We can easily observe in ourselves and in others that all disorders have degrees of manifestation, shades of grey; at some point those shadings of the disorder will cross the arbitrary line in the DSM sand and suddenly no longer be a disorder. Silly, really.

I love what you are saying about "learning new ways". I think it's like that for most of us in one way or another... it certainly is for me. Learning to have different expectations of myself. Learning that there are some things I will likely never be able to experience... but then I can do other things that "normal" people seem to struggle with. So, it ends up being a reframing of my picture of who I am, what's my normal, what's OK and what's not. Giving up some dreams while nurturing others. I think it's those "giving up" bits that are hardest for me and that I struggle most with... dealing with the expectations that I should be able to feel the way other people do when clearly I don't, and probably never will. I think @universepocket has hit the nail on the head in focussing on acceptance rather than recovery, and all that that implies.

@Billamba i did some reading when i was at Uni on BPD including Marsha Linehan's works and learnt that BPD can be treated within 10 years of diagnsis with support. which is very good news.

I was at a presentation by someone with a lived experience of BPD who said that the skills training part of DBT is only one of the four elements of the treatment approach.

My understanding is that you can recover from BPD, with support and then recovery also gets defined by the individual person.