I honestly can't stand it...or can I?

Yes, I also hope you can find some help and that things get better for you. When our loved ones are unwell it can have such a big impact on the whole family. Its almost like you have a different face and persona that you put on so that you don't trigger an unexpected reaction.

Yes, I can relate to the feelings you describe. I was in a similar relationship for many years with the father of my children. Finally a 'last straw' descended on my back and I left - it was difficult and ugly but I kept thinking that if I stayed, my children would think that I accepted the treatment dished out to me and that this was an acceptable way for families to treat each other - so I stuck to that thought and that kept my teeth gritted through the difficulties of leaving - I left with my children and car, and not much else to an unknown area and world. I had given my husband many many opportunities and support to start healing himself - he still to this day has not been to a doctor or even recognises his mental illness (bi polar I think), but blames everybody and everything around him for every part of his life. He had a priviledged up bringing and fantastic schooling but cannot understand that he is unwell. I feel sad for him, but know that I did the right thing by me and my children by setting up a boundary that said 'No, I do not accept this', because ultimately by staying I was allowing him to stay on the same unhealthy road he was travelling on, and dragging us all along. I am now married to a wonderful partner, although he too went through a first marriage, where his wife was mentally unwell - she attempted and threatened suicide on many occasions, but when her husband left her she became a lot more resilient, happier and her health has improved. None of us can know the future, we can only do at the present time what we know in our heart is the right thing, and I do believe that through love comes a level of respect that ultimately determines that, as adults, we need to accept a level of responsibility for our own lives.

Fuvia, that is the nature of mental illness, it appears that people are able to cover/control their illness when in the public arena, and revert back when they are in comfortable surrounds and feel that they can be themselves. It also creates more stress for your husband having to control his feelings while away from his "safe" place which would probably make him worse when he gets home. You need to focus on your health and wellbeing, do you do anything for you? Even a walk around the park for an hour a day can bring clarity and calmness to your life. Do you attend any support groups? They can help you sort through issues you have with people who have the same issues. There are also organisations such as Carers Victoria who offer free counselling, this is helpful as it gives you a place to vent your frustrations to somebody who can offer support to you and help you to cope/deal better with your husband and his illness. Please do not lose yourself in your husbands illness for your sake and your childrens.