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What next please?

FrancisContributor11 Oct 2015, 12:00 am AEDT

What next please?

Hi there.
My son is 23 and i am not actually sure of his diagnosis. Past history is ptsd and severe anxiety from serious accident and legal consequences of accident at 18 years old. At 21 began heavy marihijuana use followed by first episode psychosis 2 years ago. Past 2 years is on and off antipsychotics, involuntary hospitilisation, recent voluntary hospitilisation. He has reduced his marijuana use dramatically and for past 3 weeks has been taking meds only because I am handing it to him daily to take. Past few years many offers of help from all services available but he does not utilise ANY services available. He was discharged from private clinic and public system and now we are on our own again. He does not want to reconnect with public services and case worker again. His communication is improving each day but he is isolated from people, spends 24/7 at home and barely talks to us.
If we ask how he is feeling, we barely get an answer and often repeats the question and throws it bavk at us. He is well educated and extremely intelligent and we all find him very challenging to talk to.
What is my next step and how do i present services like head space and other organisations to him? I feel a mentor may be helpful as he has many goals but is stuck on how to move forward. How can i get him involved with other prople do he is not so aline this world?

16 replies

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In response to: What next please?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor11 Oct 2015, 12:12 am AEDT

Re: What next please?

Glad your son is reducing smoking and at least taking his medication ...

maybe the "how are you feeling" question "feels" confrontational to him at this stage ... maybe talk about how you are feeling about an issue or generalise

My son has been resistant to services until his breakdown and now he "tolerates" it.

I was quite desperate to get son out of house for about 6 years and kept trying to find things to socialise him ... eventually with some success .... tho he has a low need for socialising ...luckily he ended up having a work ethic to a level that surprised me and he has worked part-time steadily for last 4 years ... for a year mind you I drove him to work at 5am 5 days per week and it was his job to get home ...

I dont really know any other way than to love them and do soft and tough love as they discover the logical consequences and limitations of life ... I have settled for viable ... with some good moments

Good Luck

In response to: What next please?

FrancisContributor11 Oct 2015, 8:52 am AEDT

Re: What next please?

Thankyou. We have learnt that our support and care is so important but we have also realised the tough love is necessary. And you are right, we need to find ways to not be so confrontational in our communication. I have been complimenting him on how much betterhe looks within himsrlf lately and how clearer he seems when we chat. And i always get a more positive 'thankyou' reply. I will focus more on that. Thanks for your support and well done to you and your son on achieving a partime job. I hope thats not too far away for us!

In response to: What next please?

JannaSenior Contributor11 Oct 2015, 8:56 am AEDT

Re: What next please?

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Managing mental health issues that affect our children is not for the fainthearted. I wanted to draw your attention to the good things that you've written about because we have a tendancy to overlook these. You said he had a "recent voluntary hospitalisation" - I see this as a very encouraging sign. The fact that he agreed voluntarily to be admitted to hospital is great because it translates into wanting help. You've also said that he has "reduced his marijuana use dramatically" - this is another very postive and encouraging sign. For someone who was a heavy user, this is courageous to do and reflective of his desire to help himself. You said "His communication is improving each day" - again another positive and promising thing. All these things are very positive and promising indicators that your son is trying to sort himself out.

I am sure that he would have been given the talk whilst in hospital about appropriate ongoing therapy/support together with a discharge plan (as is normally the case). The fact that he has chosen to not engage in other services is his choice and for now I would say respect this choice and allow him to progress and find his way through this with what feels right for him. He clearly has a lot of things going on for him right now and perhaps he is more comfortable with processing this alone. As long as he is safe, not getting worse and is making positive progress, that is the most important thing. Right now he is adjusting to not using marijuana and focusing on using meds only. That is a big thing. Give him time to adjust and allow his mood to stablilise. Hopefully over time this will see more improvements.

My 16 yo son suffers with severe depression/anxiety. He rarely leaves his room, hasn't attended school for most of this year, is non-communicative and not not interested in the simplest things that would be good for him. Sometimes I allow this to upset me. I want him to get out; to breath fresh air, see sunshine, socialise, get an education etc. When this happens I pull back and look at the good things - he still goes to weekly therapy, he takes his medication willingly and regularly, he see's a psychiatrist bi-monthly and he has a desire to go to school and is willing to be voluntarily admitted to hospital. When I do this I shift my perspective and realise that he is actually doing a lot to help himself and although it falls short of what I would like to see, or what other's have suggested, I have to be content with the fact that this is what it is for now.

In the meantime you need to look after yourself. Ensure that you also get some time-out, get as much support as you can and try to remain positive.

Take care

Janna ❤️

In response to: What next please?

FrancisContributor11 Oct 2015, 9:11 am AEDT

Re: What next please?

Thanks Jaana. He is doing much better than he was a year ago. A year ago he was talking to angels (still does but not as much) not eating, not sleeping, smoking copious amounts and was very angry. Today he is sleeping regularly, eating, taking his meds, off the cigarettes, reducing his cannabis use and there has been no arguing in the home for months. Many positives I realise as I write them down. I suppose we just get anxious ourselves to link him in with some support when he is doing better to help keep the momentum going but as you pointed out, there are many positives at the moment and that is being done on his own with just our care and support. After a hospital trip myself to the ED for high BP i quickly learnt the need to look after myself and am doing that these days alot better! Thankyou.

In response to: Re: What next please?

JannaSenior Contributor11 Oct 2015, 9:32 am AEDT

Re: What next please?

[quote] A year ago he was talking to angels (still does but not as much) not eating, not sleeping, smoking copious amounts and was very angry. Today he is sleeping regularly, eating, taking his meds, off the cigarettes, reducing his cannabis use and there has been no arguing in the home for months. [/quote]

WOW, this is really encouraging and hopeful. Well done to him. Also very glad to hear that you're also looking after you.

Hope your feeling a little bit better and more optimistic in light of all the positives.

Janna ❤️

In response to: What next please?

AlienBP2Senior Contributor11 Oct 2015, 8:13 pm AEDT

Re: What next please?

Would a pet dog help him? As they are mainly non judgmental; perhaps the dog could be shared with a neighbour or relative if required.... Have keep off coffee and Alchohol would help to as well as making sure he gets a good nights sleep.
Getting a dog would not be another friend for him but also joking a dog club would encourage him to mix with others ...good discipline for both him and the dog

In response to: What next please?

FrancisContributor11 Oct 2015, 8:29 pm AEDT

Re: What next please?

We actually got him a kitten at the start of the year which has been great company for him. Our beloved old dog just moved on to his next journey so it is definately something else to consider soon. And yes, the coffee is a problem but has been a little better and im pleased to say that alcohol is a rare occurence. Thankyou for reminding me about the dog because maybe that is something to discuss. I just want to say a big thankyou because in the busy day to day stuff we get caught up in we forget about the smaller practical things that may make huge differences!

In response to: What next please?

AlienBP2Senior Contributor11 Oct 2015, 8:42 pm AEDT

Re: What next please?

Do your research on the net to find a dog suitable for home and his temprement ; maybe you could do this together and discuss ...my dog is from a dog pound originally and was saved by the Jack Russell association... She was between the puppy and adult stage ...
She is actually a Parsons Jack Russell... A great friend and company for my mother as well... Something for my mother to focus on besides just each other..,,Cheers Allan

In response to: What next please?

FrancisContributor11 Oct 2015, 8:49 pm AEDT

Re: What next please?

Have always had big energetic dogs but a smaller one would be more suited to him. Im pleased you found the right one for your family. Hopefully we can find a suitable rescue dog. My son and I went to the animal shelter on New years eve where he chose his cat and we have all fallen in love with her and she adores my son and follows him everywhere! Thanks kindly Allan.

In response to: Re: What next please?

MasemuContributor11 Oct 2015, 9:06 pm AEDT

Re: What next please?

I have a daughter that was similar. She went in to hospital about 18 months ago. Started on a headspace program but found nothing was working so she stopped. We kept encouraging her to get help but she never wanted to talk about it. I know this may not be best practice but i sent her some emails with all the info on contacts that may be of help along with my medicare card. She is 18. Anyway she started to get help by herself and thankfully that help suggested she needed to go to hospital which she did. She now has a better diagnosis now and is on medication. I hope your son will come to his own realisation that there is help out there and it does work but not always on first attempts. It's hard for us parents though as they refuse our offer of help and guidance. Keep making him aware that you are there.

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