The toolkit

Living with Bi Polar has bought all sorts of difficulties my way, when I am unwell I have acted in ways that has not always been in my best interests, sometimes hurt others (emotionally) and when I was young and full of anger and drunk also physically. I was in and out of lock up in my early twenties, but stopping drinking at aged 28 turned my life around - although the Bi polar continued undiagnosed, I could on my good days take some joy in life. I am fortunate to have met and married a wonderful partner (now of 23 years) who has a high threshold for 'crazy'.

But this being Bi Polar has also bought with it some really amazing things, created opportunities for me and opened my eyes to the state of the world and what I might be able to do as an individual to make life easier for others. I know many of us struggle, we struggle with social isolation and are misunderstood alot. When I am in periods of wellness I also use the time to get new ways of coping and living with the conditions that make me unwell.

I do not identify in the wider world as someone living with mental ill health mostly, for my own safety - only a handful of my nearest and dearest know, and not even the rest of my family. I will speak of 'being depressed' at the moment, people seem to cope okay with that, but irritable, angry, full flight hypo manic - not so much. Runa Away they seem to say. Run away!

Having lived with Bi Polar (anxiety, PTSD) for over 25 years, but only recently (12 months ago) did I get a proper diagnoses and some helpful medication, I have spent a lot of time over the years trying to find things that 'help' me.

I have been in a state of anxiety on and off since the diagnoses, that any moment now this condition will sweep in and sweep out any gains I have made, but over the months I have come to see that now i KNOW what my condition is, I can do even more things to help myself before, during and after whatever type episode I am experiencing. I have a whole toolkit of things I have learned over the past 20 or so years of trying tolive the best life I can. I can apply tools picked up over the thin and difficult years of lived experience of mental ill health. The 'tools' are best used when I am aware of the transition from one state to the next, but also just at anytime during any state once the state is realised/seen. Somewhere in this big toolkit bag of mine is something that I can do to help myself.

One thing I use is if I feel I am ramping up into hypomania or sliding terribly into melancholia is THE SILVER DIAL.
I imagine a big silver dial with High, Medium, Low and Off on it and I imagine in my mind's eye turning it (and thus my mood/emotion/energy level) down (or up) to midway 'Medium". I also use it too when in the PTSD moments of flashbacks, or intruding suicidal thoughts - I grab that dial (in my mind's eye) and turn it to OFF.



I am always looking out for new helpful methods, so would appreciate any sharing of things others do to help themselves that I could pack into my toolkit for future use.