Feeling uncomfortable

I’m sorry you feel like this, @Ant7. I feel like this all the time—more and more every day. 🙁 I feel like others are judging me but also I am constantly judging (and berating) myself. After every single interaction I have with someone, no matter how tiny or inconsequential (online, in person, on the phone—it makes no difference) I beat myself up about it—about what I said, what I did, how I was perceived. I always feel like the odd one out, like I don’t fit or belong anywhere.

I don’t know how to feel differently, @Ant7 but I wanted you to know that I hear you and that I get it. 🙁

So super lonely, @Ant7. 🙁

I've been pushing my comfort zone here on the forums and have managed to feel connected to some people here, which has been nice ... but it is still really hard. Even when people are super nice and clearly not judging me, my brain is still very loud and mean. 🙁

Keep reaching out here, @Ant7. For what it's worth, I like seeing you around the place. 🙂

I find the constant self-doubt and self-hate so exhausting. Some days I try to push past it and other days I simply don’t have the energy. I know I need connection to have a meaningful life but sometimes isolating myself seems so much easier and safer.

Things get lost here on the forums sometimes, @Ant7 and I am super slow (often too busy drafting and redrafting my posts, battling my brain) and things whizz by me and I miss them, so feel free to tag me anytime. Like I said, I’m slow, but I generally get there eventually. I'm interested in what you have to say. 🙂

Hello @Ant7@Former-Member - I have been reading with interest your posts on this thread. Thanks for starting the topic @Ant7.

Yes, I have felt exactly like both of you have expressed. I am going through it now - it's "typical depression" how we are feeling, with negative thoughts about ourselves assailing. For me it can also be a lack of trust in others. It's horrible and I too am more comfortable on my own and withdraw more when like that.

For me personally I think it stems from my abusive childhood and previous past hurts. When I am stressed or feel pressured and tired it will come out more. Bottom line is that I "self doubt" at these times - and unfortunately I can have trust issues with others (that is uncalled for mostly, it's my state of mind at the time). Being aware of this I do my upmost to ignore the negative thoughts and try and think more positively looking for the good in me and around me.

I think when I am feeling this way I am experiencing a lack of self worth. So The remedy for me is to work on recognising my self value. My confidence and mood improves then, especially if someone else makes me feel special. When depressed I can be blind to my personal self value. It's a very painful place to be. It's a work in progress.

I try and push myself to join in outside activities that involves helping others. This gives me purpose and makes me feel better at times about myself. That helps a lot to improve my confidence and self worth. I find too I have to talk back to the negative thoughts about myself and others. It's faulty perception with me caused by depression.

At times I get so sick of it I say to heck with it, I will just be myself and be as kind and optimistic as I can muster (that's one of the ways I talk back to my negative thoughts). That usually brings better results and more success, but can soon crash again if I overdo things or worry too much. The latter is my downfall that I am working on.

I wrote a poem based on these feelings - it's under the thread "Do you like poetry? I love poetry" on page 13. If you get a chance to read it I would be interested to learn if this is how any of you feel at times.

Hope this sharing has helped a little. Have a lovely evening @Ant7 and @Former-Member. I hope you do join in the forum threads more as you are lovely women with a lot to offer - it's just that sometimes we are blind to ourselves. 💕

We have much in common here my friend @Ant7. I work at the above everyday and am striving for good results. Am in the midst of a battle now but hopeful. I hope your day has been good 😊🤗

Hi @Ant7 @Former-Member @Former-Member,

I definitely feel like the odd one out a LOT of the time. However, for me, getting the diagnosis of autism a few years ago has helped me to feel more ok about being me. I feel like the odd one out because I AM the odd one out...and it's totally ok to be the odd one out. I use and understand language in an atypical way. I have amazingly bad executive functioning, which means I often look like Mr Bean trying to muddle through a situation. I strive to be open and honest, and get told I'm offensive and disrespective. I spend oh so much of my time in a muddle. And all of that is totally ok. I'm totally ok. And you @Ant7 and you @Former-Member and you @Former-Member are all totally ok too. Oh how badly I wish that my saying that could help you to internalise and feel it. There are 7.5 billion people on this planet and yet not one of them can be as you as you are. You alone have the power to do something that no other person who ever was, is, or ever will be, could ever do. You alone have the power to be you. That makes you super awesome.