The Wailing Wall (Trigger Warning)

I spoke to my best friend about the condition of her husband, and my dearest friend, about treatments concerning his cancer. They saw the specialist yesterday and I was eager for positive news. He initially answered the phone and sounded his upbeat normal self. So my hopes were rising. She came on the phone and told me the specialist said it was terminal - 8 mths to live without treatment, 2 yrs with it. She said she is remaining positive but it is what it is. That her husband would try the treatment but if it's too harsh will not continue with it. She did say she still hopes he will beat it. She sounded so strong, where I feel the opposite - and she is going through worse!!! What is wrong with me??? My heart dropped to my stomach. Her children are with her but I offered my merger support should she need me.

But she seems to be coping better than I am, or I would be if I were in that same situation.

I wailed when I put done the phone. I am losing one of my best friends - and his wife too as she will sell and move to live with her daughter. She could never cope with living alone. And I cried for what they will go through.

I keep telling myself I cannot make this about me, that "it is not about me"!! - but the tears keep coming. I keep feeling the loss deeply of my only remaining close friends who were family to me....There is a resignation washing ver me but my spirits are right down. I feel so low.

I Keep telling myself that I must be strong, but feeling like giving up. There is so much disease around me and I keep losing people. What is wrong with me? Why can't I cope with what inevitably life throws at us? I feel so scared and down - the tears keep flowing. Why can't I just be strong and cope with life - but a lot of the time it overwhelms me. I feel not only have I lost more loved ones but also feel like a failure. And again, so alone in it.

Vent over

Thinking of you @Former-Member such terrible news, you are allowed to feel sadness for others, that is deep empathy.

Thank you @Former-Member - I so needed to hear that 💕xx

@Former-Member You are a very kind, caring and compassionate person. So sorry to hear about your friend and his wife. Sending love and hugs to you. xoxo

Oh @Former-Member - that is so beautiful. Thank you so much - it means so much. I am even surprised by the depths of my grief. I just came home from doing some nessecary shopping and the flood gates have opened. I can't remember the last time I cried like this. Just seems like it will never stop. My close male friend was one of the few who showed me love and kindness in my darkness moment, he is family to me - the blood ones deserted me - nothing will be quite the same without him. And his suffering - it's not fair. He is such a good person. It's not fair what happened to you either - I feel it all acutely. Thank you for being there ❤️

@Former-Member

Again I enter the refuge of the wailing wall, to weep tears of utter dismay of being hurt by the one I trusted was a true friend. But true friends do not listen to lies and move away when we in our darkest moments. As that is how I know who my true friends are. They defend you and stay to the very end.

It helps me to realise that I am blessed with a lot of friends and a loving husband and daughter in my life who know me and would protect me to the end. But I still feel the pain of the one that I thought was real but obviously I see now was not. Such is life. I release my disappointment and hurt here which will enable me to move on with those who really love me. Move on from tears to happiness. I appreciate them now more than ever. And this hurts makes me want to help those who suffer similarly even more - the silent observer and will always be there for those who have been hurt similarly, here online and off.. Life is not fair at all, so sick of this being thrown at me through out my life, but now I have to rise above. Never will I trust again and offer my heart until I know someone well. Lesson learnt. Vent over.

@Former-MemberI am sorry that you were hurt by someone you trusted. I am glad you have the love and support of your husband and daughter