UlyssesContributor
Am I Bipolar?
Hi,
Im new to the forum and newly diagnosed 20 year old female. Depression, anxiety & disordered eating. Ive had self esteem issues since i was in primary school. I always felt like i was the odd one out because i was over weight. I was bullied, by people whom i had never spoken to before. I still to this day can't figure out why they chose to bully me.. I used food as comfort. I would tell myself i wouldnt eat dinner, i wanted to be thin, thats all i ever wanted. But by the next day i was comfort eating again.. I didn't starting loosing weight until grade 11, I lost 23 kgs by the time i turned 20, i was thin and still not happy. In that time i went through an emotionally manipulative relationship with someone who had a weed adiction. That one and a half years with him i had never felt so alone. Why did i stay? Because i didnt think was worth anything else. After i had finally stopped seeing him after many phone calls of abuse and piles of guilt put onto me about a termination i went through with him, I become obssessed with food and exercise. Its all i ever thought about, new relationships suffered. Years and years of self hate came crashing down on me a few months ago when my disordered eating had became worse and i started to gain back weight. I have gone from one extreme to the next, in the last few years. I haven't eaten at all, to eating waaay to much. My relationship with food isn't a healthy one to say the least. I saw my doctor finally, and saidthings out loud that i had only ever thought to myself. Years and years of negative thoughts i had bottled up. I think about suicide everyday, especially at night when everything just stops. Lately i've had alot of trouble sleeping and my mood swings are noticable.. My 3rd pyshcologist i saw mentioned biploar disorder. It makes a few things make more sense to me.. I ask anyone with bipolar to tell me their stories! Im still so confused, it could be just that. But ive done things lately that i would have never done a year ago.. I dont know who i am!
