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BPD

BillambaSenior Contributor08 Oct 2015, 7:30 pm AEDT

BPD

Hi everyone,

I am new to signing up to this forum although I have read and searched the forum quite extensively.

I am just wondering if anyone has BPD? Recently the mental health nurse and GP I work with have approached the possibility of me having it and whilst I haven't been formally diagnosed with the condition we all agree it does mostly fit.

Looking at the DSM-5 criteria I certainly fit; frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation, identity disturbance (I don't believe I relate with this strongly, although I do have a somewhat unstable self image, self esteem, self confidence etc), impulsity in two areas (eating disorder tendencies and spending), recurrent suicidal thoughts (I have Attempted suicide twice but other than that I wouldn't classify it as suicidal behaviour as such, more suicidal idealisation) and affective instability due to marked reactivity of mood (particularly depressive and anxiety), chronic feelings of emptiness. I don't believe I relate to inappropriate, intense difficulty in controlling anger or the paranoid ideation or servers dissociative symptoms. I do have a reasonably quick temper but myself and others don't class it as inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable.

I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and eating disorder not otherwise specified. The purpose of my eating disorder behaviours are different – one I use as almost a ‘punishment’ for being me when I’m really down, I feel it helps me realease some of the pressure/ pain inside me where as the other feeds the emptiness' am on medication for the above conditions.

Basically I just want to 'meet' others in the same situation as me. It's quite a scary time for me at the moment coming to terms with this and I haven't confided in anyone outside of my mental health, GP and nurse practitioner (I am in an isolated setting so sometimes we have a GP othertimes only the nurse practitioner is here). If anyone else would like to share their experiences I would be greatly appreciative or even suggest some things I could do to help come to terms with this condition.

I I do have a full time job that I have been in for 4.5 years and am thankfully able to survive in society reasonably well most of the time.

Enough rambling for now. Hope to hear from some of you soon.

15 replies

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In response to: BPD

DrewbolaSenior Contributor11 Oct 2015, 9:28 pm AEDT

Re: BPD

Hi
You know that feeling that your the only Out there professionally kicking goals and personally kicking yourself
Work wise People find me a really nice guy creative smart I make friends easy and people like to do business with me but personally a protagonist argumentative offended Easily and so it's been easy to consume myself in work over the last 15 years and manage friendships 9-5 My company had become the enduring protection allowing me prop my self esteem up and survive
I'm grateful to hear from you missdistain what you experience and would like to hear more of how it excels with creativity and the opposites

In response to: BPD

BillambaSenior Contributor11 Oct 2015, 10:36 pm AEDT

Re: BPD

The isolation makes it very hard @Missdisdain. Next year I am moving home to study and will be living in a city so will have more access to assistance then but that is scary as well as I will lose all my current supports. My folks have no idea about my life really, they have no idea about my struggles. They recognised I was depressed as a teenager but that is all - my brothers health has always blinded them from 'seeing' me. It is my choice to be moving home as my current job was only ever going to be temporary (not that you can call 3 years exactly temporary but its not a career job if that makes sense). My MH nurse and I are working on a transitional plan though so hopefully it will work out okay. Do you know if The Black Dog Institute do phone contact at all? I have briefly browsed their website but didn't find anything on BPD and got busy and haven't returned to it yet.

I dont know. My brain isn't switching off from BPD at the moment. I'm thinking about it all day, dreaming about it at night. I don't know what to do. It fits so well and there is comfort in that but it's frightening as well. I guess the stigma is the worst. I'm tired too and I know that doesn't help my anxiety.

A little of topic but does anyone get 'paranoid' as such? As in I was camping over the weekend down by a river and got eaten alive by Mosquitos and my face especially so. You can imagine how it looks - thankfully they haven't welted as much as they could have but I have been totally paranoid about it. If I could put a paper bag on my head would. The people I live with really couldn't care less but I can not move past it. I know that it's totally vain and usually I would consider myself anything but vain so it really doesn't make sense but with any sort of situation like this I just freak out. This is a common occurrence for me this type of paranoid anxiety... Can anyone relate?

In response to: BPD

DrewbolaSenior Contributor11 Oct 2015, 11:59 pm AEDT

Re: BPD

Wow yes if your easily offended I'm not to be around either
Either depressed paranoid anxious intolerant Of
Myself repulsed with appearance or
then comes
arsehole #1 career driven my confidence and conviction makes the world my oyster and of course I'm handsome and I have massive ideas and opinions and as I grow that career grows to satisfy my need for praise and attention
Ups and downs just became confusing and my actions and behaviors started breaking down my relationships my child hood sweetheart wife who I was slowly destroying her self esteem to keep me up the there were friends who I was to busy for or had begun to offend I was just delusional high the benefits of work were dividends of risk taken the downside couldn't be seen
i became so busy and her dream of having kids or something meaningful In her life we had kids to IVF I was mostly at work away chasing $$$ and opportunities my customers were praising my talents, I became promiscuous , grandiose I lost it with some family members and began drinking to much using drugs partying
I dismiss any advice loved ones were giving me I knew it all and I could do what I wanted and that was me pushing things to far as I can total ignorance for those around me till something breaks and I did my ideas can be too big and I'm not superhuman no sleep no food just praise doesnt work
After time in hospital
Sold up
I moved away from Sydney far regional to find my sanity changed my work behavior and life style trying a new balance as I didn't want to loose my drive or passion for life and to succeed just needed confidence to possibly love myself and love and support someone else one day
Then I find lack of services regionally starting to include in my balance some work back in the city to find a new psyc and begin to cope with a little faster pace bit by bit again carefully

In response to: BPD

AussiejSenior Contributor04 Oct 2017, 6:25 pm AEDT

Re: BPD

This story is amazing such a strong person
I would love to know ways to cope better with BPD as it's something that has hit me hard n I wonder for last 2 years that I was more depressed,I never go out,I have no relationships in my life as I push them away or i self destruct

In response to: Re: BPD

wbpd1500Contributor29 Jan 2019, 2:47 pm AEDT

Re: BPD

Hi. I have lived with BPD for 7 years now formally diagnosed. But my struggles go back to the age of 5 with being diagnosed with ADHD at 16 I was diagnosed with depression but finally at the age of 21 got a formally diagnosed with BPD.

My relationships with others can be quite intence from eather liking them alot or hating them alot there is no middle ground.

I have battled through drug addiction and also a gambling addiction. I spend money like it nothing. Currently have a$3000 debt due to a recent relapse in gambling.

My moods feel so intense and u feel like yelling why me? You tell your doctor try living in my body for just one day. I have had many self harming epesodes and 3 major suicide attempts. Currently in hospital and have been for 6years now.... Still going through the same hit ay.

I have a cronic fear of abandonment and scared when people leave me. Guess I self sabatage myself when the doctor gives me more rope I tend to have a nother meltdown.

I tend to get several disassociate when I'm under a lot of stress and haven't been able to hold down a job for more than 3 months as it causes my BPD to flire up again

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