BPD

Hi Billamba,

I am pretty new on the forum as well and just wanted to say hi and welcome. Thanks for sharing with us, it isn't easy for ppl to share such personal struggles.

About 13 years ago I realised I had BPD after reading an article my ex had conveniently 'left' for me when I was collecting some of my belongings.

At first I was so angry with him for doing this but the more I read, the more I realised it was pretty much describing what I had lived with for such a long time. The funny thing was I also realised that many of the behaviours linked to BPD I had managed to overcome. Bit by bit, I had worked hard to understand myself better, to battle the sometimes out of control thoughts and get them under control, and to set some good strategies in place when it all got too hard.

For me, I have accepted that this will always be in my life, a little like an old scar that you can feel if you run your fingers over it and may even hurt some if scratched or bumped, but my life is usually pretty darn good. Of course I still have battles, I have a tendency to spiral into depression and have to 'firm' up my coping strategies, but I am happy to encourage you that life can be largely happy and fulfilling with this disorder.

I would be happy to share my 'happy' life strategies with you and the forum. Hope you are a little encouraged by my story and I look forward to chatting more.

Hugs ((((()))))

Abiel

Hi Abiel,

Thank you so much for your response. I really really appreciate it. It's great to be able to 'meet' and 'chat' to someone else who also has BPD.

I understand how angry you must have been when your ex left the information sheet for you. I can very much relate to the experience of the more you read the more you realised it was what you were living with.

I love your analogy of the old scar, at the moment I am coping quite well with the idea of having BPD - I think because I can see that it is me and whilst I'm not at the 'old scar' stage yet it's a great way of describing where I would like to be. It's also wonderful to read that life can be largely happy and fulfilling as this is something that worries me greatly so thank you so much for that encouragement.

I would love it if you could share some of your 'happy' strategies, if you don't mind. I have a wonderful mental health nurse who has helped me greatly and given me some strategies prior to bringing the BPD into conversation (but still relevant) so I will also have a think about some of the things I have learnt so far to help anyone who may be reading. I am a big believer in the power of shared suggestions.

Thanks again ain and I look forward to 'chatting' more! And thank you for the ((hugs)) - very needed and sending some back to you (())!

Hi @Billamba,

I'm glad you have a good mental health nurse to support you. Professional help is so important! It sounds like you are looking at your life from a positive perspective and that is also very healthy.

A thought that I found very helpful and used to remind myself a lot through the years was that this disorder does not define who I am. I am a whole, complete person who just happens to be living with a difficulty. I am happy being me and although I am at times lonely (even with people around me), I mostly enjoy my own company. This has developed over the years though and was something I struggled with a LOT in my late teens right through to early 40's!

When I say I had to remind myself a lot.....i mean every day or every 10 minutes if that's what I needed. So one of the first strategies I put in place was an agreement with myself to be there for myself whenever I needed and to look myself in the eye (usually in front of a mirror) and tell myself over and over that I was a good, loving, whole, complete and wonderful person. Oftentimes through blubbering and with red, crying eyes, but I kept my promise to myself and eventually I believed it with all my heart.

Hope you have a wonderful day and will chat again soon

Love n Hugs (((())))

Abiel

Hi @Billamba

A warm welcome to the Forums! It is great to have you join the community. You might like to check out our recent Topic Tuesday from a couple of months ago where we got together to discuss BPD. That thread is closed for comments now but you might find it helpful and interesting to have a read through nonetheless. There are a number of people on here who have experience with BPD, who you might like to connect with @Ellie @peace @shanc @Rose11 @Crazy_Bug_Lady @Shadow @Raven @isabella @Jynxme perhaps some of them might like to share a bit of their stories and experiences with you.

Again, welcome to the forums and hope to see you around the place. All the best, Mosaic.

Only way to sum it up is I feel like a jack in the box that when out is vibrant colorful talkative inspirational confident but sometimes jack stays in the box for longer than expected and refuses to operate throws all on the back burner then stresses big time about it

That's such a good way to put it @Drewbola. I used to think of myself as an introverted extrovert which in my mind perfectly fits with your jack in the box description.

Hugs ((()))

Abiel

Hi everyone, I've been away all weekend out of mobile/email service which has been amazing but also made coming back and posting again somewhat difficult. No idea why, I guess that's just my anxiety playing havoc with my mind again. But I'm pushing thought it as I really appreciate each one of you taking the time and responding to me.

I was reading an ABC article today about a young woman who also gas BPD. Was a very interesting read but this particular quote in the article really resonated with me...

"I got around hating myself, and needed to put on this face to the rest of the world that I was competent, capable and confident, but really underneath, I would be feeling that I didn't belong, and feeling that there was something deeply, fundamentally wrong with who I am. I thought that I was broken. I was convinced that I was defunct."

I can also really relate to the Jack in the box analogy and introverted extrovert comment.

Ive read so many wonderful posts on here, many very sad but also inspiring and I am amazed by the supportive community here. The topic Tuesday thread was really interesting and peoples stories in general are really helping me understand I'm not alone in this.

Im not sure what else to say at the moment so I'll sign off, but thank you all from the bottom of my heart.