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People avoid me.

BarbaraHContributor07 Oct 2015, 2:23 pm AEDT

People avoid me.

I'm 59, have been in weekly therapy for 15+ years and have been unable to heal from schizoaffective disorder. Many people recognise the childish part of my nature and avoid me in case I get attached to them I like. Something seems to shine like a light from me that lets people know who I am.

My friends are getting fewer and fewer as the years go by. My male neighbours are wary of me, I have no friends at work (and work at all through the courtesy of a Mental Health service who employed me thinkingI would recover) and I have stopped going to groups where my anxiety can send me high. I realise that the richness of human relationships has passed me by.

It's time to let go of my psychiatrist whom I trust. He says I will never recover and must learn to manage myself alone. I feel depressed about stepping out into a lonely world where my illness itself makes people avoid me.

I feel alone in this.

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In response to: People avoid me.

MoonGalSenior Contributor25 Apr 2016, 5:49 pm AEST

Re: People avoid me.

Hi @BarbaraH it has been a long time since you first posted here, how are you going at the moment?

Stepping down from psychotherapy must of been (is) hard. I accepted my diagnoses of BP II (and a cluster of co-morbitites) and as time has gone on I have realised my inability to hang on to friends is because mostly people are very caught up in their own lives, particularly in our 40's and 50's. I try not to have terminal uniqueness abou

t why someone backs away - it might be more about them than me, but it took me a long time to come to that. I am sure that I cannot ever 'recover' but we can uncover some things about ourselves and some things CAN change - we just need to be persistent and as honest with ourselves as we can about which bits can be changed and which bits need to be accepted.

Peace to you as you can, when you can.

In response to: People avoid me.

BarbaraHContributor25 Apr 2016, 10:35 pm AEST

Re: People avoid me.

This is a lovely reply. Groups are not my thing still. With this group I found the advice giving difficult. I'm highly sensitive, paranoid and bad with criticism. I find it very constructive to write - but laying out my problems loses track of the fact that most of me is an intelligent, competent person. I am probably the person who needs to hear this the most.

In response to: People avoid me.

SehnsuchtSenior Contributor25 Apr 2016, 10:46 pm AEST

Re: People avoid me.

Mental illness does not stem from intelligence. Nor does mental illness dictate our intelligence.

It is easy for us to beleive that, be beaten down by it, as society loves to ignorantly tell us otherwise.

I hear you.

In response to: Re: People avoid me.

BarbaraHContributor27 Apr 2016, 7:48 pm AEST

Re: People avoid me.

Thanks for your insights. It is very hard to know when I am seeing accurately. I believe people are quite afraid of my tendency to attach to people when I am high. Sometimes this is because I have latched on to them at one time and they become wary. I have become aware of this tendency and try to maintain my independence.

This has been a difficulty both at the gym where I do fitness classes and in the workplace where no one is prepared to connect with me. I think my extreme sensitivity and paranoia add to this situation. Recently I have come to understand that if I feel slighted it can take me a long time to let go of it. That if I can let it go quickly, I can start afresh.

I hear what you say about friends moving on because they are busy etc. I can see that is a more positive way to see it. Let go of those who aren't heading your way and keep steady on your journey. Once I become attached to someone I find it hard to let them go-even when I don't see them for long periods of time. It's a difficult place to understand this, to want to change it, but be unable to do so.

I am still in the process of separataing from my psychiatrist. Pursuing this is the most postive thing I can do though not a full solution. It's still a rocky road for me - lots of ups and downs. I think since I wrote last year I have more determinatiion to press forward and get up more quickly from the falls.

Regards

Bronwyn

In response to: Re: People avoid me.

AppleblossomSenior Contributor27 Apr 2016, 8:02 pm AEST

Re: People avoid me.

"Let go of those who arent heading your way and keep steady on your journey."

That is a wise and accepting approach. @BarbaraH

I used to suffer a lot to maintain relationships in the past. It did not do me any good at all.

i am going to use that quote as a little mantra.

thanks

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