People avoid me.

Hi Barbara, I really feel for you, hearing what you say. I have schizoaffective disorder too along with wwhat my clinical psych says are "flavours" of a personality disorder.

I can relate to child-like behaviours too; I struggle to put myself to bed at a decent hour along with being bothered to prepare nutritious meals. And don't get me started on how the housework and garden have got on top of me!

Like you, my friends have dropped off over the past 2 decades. The so-called "healthy" ones seem unwilling or unable to try and accept my quirks, which leaves me befriending people I meet in say, hospital, which is not ideal.

I'm 45; I have ok days, so-so days and terrible days. If I have a good day I find myself checking my emotions to make sure it's just "normal" good and not elevation.

I'm sorry I can't offer any sage words, other than to say hang in there and you are not alone. Kate 🙂

Hi @BarbaraH

A big warm welcome to you on the Forums Community. Living with a mental illness can feel very isolating. Even living without a MI I think holding onto friends can get increasinly difficult as we get older because it seems people get busier. Adding to this, is an unfortunate intolerance and lack of knowledge of behaviours that are associated with mental illness.

Here on the Forums are a heap of nice people who I think 'get it'. We are all friends here on the forums. @Jacques @Appleblossom @PeppiPatty are among a few of our friends are on here. They are also our community guides and may be able to 'show' you around.

@kenny66, one of senior contributers on here also has schizoaffective disorder and has written about here. You can also find his posts through his profile @here. You mentioned that you haven't been able to heal from shizoaffective disorder. Can I ask if you have had periods of wellness?

We also have some online events, which I hope you can come to. Every week we have a Friday Feast, it's a great way to meet and 'mingle' with other Forum members. All you need to do is drop in to the discussion, bring along a virtual plate of food, and join in or sit back and enjoy the conversation. I hope you can make it. It usually starts sometime in the evening depending on who drops in first.

Nice to meet you. I look forward to seeing more of you.

CherryBomb

Welcome @BarbaraH

First thing ...I hope your psychiatrist intends to support a weaning period, shifting to monthly then quarterly appoitnments .. or something like that... is the decision to separate driven by you or psych?

I found it sad that childlike behaviours and inner light become things that cut you off from others ... what about all the selfhelp books that told us to connect with our inner child. There .is a balance but we all have quirks

I am 55, and as far as I can see most people, even the normals, struggle with a decline in relationships as they age ... stuff happens ..people die and move away ...I am fairly isolated and found people can be voyeuristic about my life story .. but not want to do the simple things of sharing with me .. that hurts ... but I am letting it be their problem as I would not treat others that way ...

somewhat like you ... it seems my pain is obvious .... on meeting someone.

I am trying to manage to deal with groups ... still find it a challenge to fit in... for 4 years I worked as a bookclub co-ordinator and was paid to run the groups ... I was competent but not a roaring success howev er it was helpful as I liaised with the community centre director who felt very grounded and confident in relationships she ... often pointed out the reasons for a glitch being someone's particuolar issue ... so I am learning not to take group stuff personally ...

anyone who is our age and does not admit to some issues is simply not being honest .... but also as we age we get stuck in our ways ... hope find a liveable level of social contact ... look forward to hear more from you.

Hi

Schizoaffective Disorder is hard. Over the time I have had it of course times have been good and bad. It is really important to have a balanced perspective and try not to over focus on the bad stuff.

I also think a lot of people misjudge what they think are schizoaffective quirks when they are just normal personality traits.

I live happily within my somewhat excentric world, but I am naturally quite an upbeat person. Medication is important for meto manage it.

I trust my psychiatrist absolutely to lead me through the separation process. It's taken years and years of ups and downs but the process of moving on though lead by him is a back and forth between us and respectful of my wishes. This has been so remarkable for me as I did not trust either of my parents and believe that my paranoia affects most aspects of my life, still.

I think a part of my upset about people avoiding me comes from a paranoid source. If someone starts out friendly and then backs away I tend to believe that I have failed and that I'm a bad person. Even worse are the people who can read my moods and speak to me some days and back away others. I have recently started to leave these people myself as I think I should be accepted as I am.

I'm interested in thoughts about groups. My bookclub works for me but I have had difficulty attending meet up groups (sometimes because of the leadership style) and then increasingly my anxiety made me high in those groups and a bit obvious.

Thanks for your reply - I feel I've gone off at a bit of a tangent... but thanks for leading me there

BarbaraH

I am glad you have confidence in psych and will work out an approach ...

Group dynamics often bring up merging and separation issues ... for everybody ... as we all have to negotiate those issues to develop maturity. Different people have different styles and levels of tolerance for closeness and distance ... I am always learning ... as each human is unique so is each group.... even if there are generalisations to be made ... eg "like year 9 classes are the worst" ... one I have heard a lot... poor year nines ...its hormones.

I have had a lot of paranoia but also think it is important to realise that some of it is not in the mind but in the situation. You need the confidence to feel some confidence in your own judgement and experience ... and not shrug it all off as paranoia ... I tended to be very analytical about it cos of all the scizophrenia around me .. I try to be careful and reality check ... but no longer taking it all on my shoulders.

Personally, I have been feeling very delicate with an exuberant strong very confident personality in my choir ... but tonight I got the feeling that we will be actually able to work with it.

I studied sociometry and group theory as part of psychodrama ... there are a few different approaches... it can be good to depersonalise things ... for me anyway.

Good Luck