JM028Casual Contributor
Recurring doubts and fear
Ever since early years of high school I constantly feel/felt afraid of the opinion and thoughts of others around me. It feels like a claw latfhed into he back of my mind, slowly tugging at my conciousness.
As a person that was physically smaller than others and of Asian descent throughout my childhood and in schooling, I felt belittled about who I was.
I still feel that way.
Even now as a university student, the constant expectation from parents, friends to perform at my supposed intelligence level drains me, the constant fear of letting others down.
I also felt it was good to be compassionate to others during this time, but when such things were returned to me, I do not recognise it as genuine, the small part of my mind slowlytaking over to tell me that they do not mean it, and not to trust them.
All these emotions of fear and anxiety of others makes me feel like I need to punish myself because I was not good enough. I hit myself in the head, lash out at things because I feel like pain can atone for thinking I let people down.
I don't know what to do, or why I feel like this
