Torturing myself

Hello @BarelyLiving

It is important to get some support for you to deal with the repetitive behaviours that concern you. Approach a GP and ask about a mental health plan, to refer you to a counsellor. A lot of us on the forums struggle with different issues, but there is help out there. Keep posting.

This is my experience, for others including yourself it may be different. I have spent many years talking to psychiatrists about my past, and to be honest im not sure how much good it has done. Yes i have gained insight into why i am, the way i am. Awareness and insight is only part of the equasion. What about today? The here and now.i suffer from general anxiety, social phobia, bi polar, major deppression.. pluss

major lack of motivation on a day to day basis the anxiety/social phobia are the worst follwed by frequent bouts of depressions.

About four years ago i started seeing a psychologist. I was very reluctant at first as i had preview had a bad experience. This time was very different this was the first time i was given an explanation of what was hapening, as well as the misdiagnosis for the social phobia. Week by week little by little she taught me skill to use on a day to day basis. What she was using was ACT. Acceptance and commitment therapy. refocuses on the here and now. I have gone from being unable to go shopping and sociaize with family groups. Now i can go most places freely. I am ok with family for up to about 2 hrs. It was non existant before. I know what my limits are, and sometimes i cant manage these things, but thats ok. I have learned i need to be kind to myself and not berrate myself when i dont cope as well.

The other thing that has made a huge difference has been DBT. Both of these therapys have been instrumental in helping me on a day to day basis. A therapist that is experienced in both of these i have found to be of most benifit.

The last thing i would say to you is to research these and go with your gut.

Sometimes i lalk about the past, but its more in the context of how it is affecting me now gaining that awareness and understanding of today.

As my pschologist said early on. There is no right or wrong way.

Good luck

Thank you, I have been looking into DBT or CBT all I know is I need something. I drive myself away, I go into self sabatage when things don't go as planned and it is so tiring. Of. Course I don't want to heR or learn bad hints happeneded more than I already know but I'm to a point that I think that is my only option.

There is a reason why I put others before me, why I can't say no even at my expense and then I allow. It for far to long, although someone did point out I am getting better and recognizing it, but then I justify it. So is it really any better.?? Yea I'm not wasting. Years on people that aren't worth my time but this last one and I don't know why I got so hooked on. The companionship we had become what I thought was amazing friends. But I look back and he wasn't a friend at all, I knew it while it was goinging on and I kept justifying and allowing things to go on that I did approve of. Like his life style I was trying to help him since I know how he feels, and in turn I'm the one left alone and hurt that he could just walk away and feel no hint. So was it all lies, did I fall for someone BS yet again.

well I believed him to be suicidal and realized I had to walk away so reached out to other people he knew. He took it as a threat that I was sabatoging his life and called n threatened my life. I wasn't afraid of him per say. It his mindset, he had started doing a lot of meth and not sleeping and has told me stories about how he's protected. Maybe it was all crap but it caused me to jump at my own shadow, every time my cat moved. And then the mean emails, I since have him blocked but the words don't hurt anyless and then I start believing g what he said.

so the vicious cycle started again. And here I am, I have read so many sites the last two weeks my head wants to explode with information. I know what I need to do, it's a matter of doing it. Right now I just want him hurting like he did to me. So unhealthy, I know but I still do, I screw with his email and FB account cause he makes it to easy. But then I get to see how he really feels and then I'm more depressed and stay in the cycle.

I need to stop, I have called about counseling through my job, not sure how well that will go. I have been before and have never found anyone. I comfortable I mean really comfortable talking to except this last piece of crap friend. I'm determined to. Figure me out so someday I can find that peace I so desperately desire.