A changing Experience is the truth - Nothing is Solid but the Ground.

Hi @SuperNova1987,

Thank you for sharing your story, i have isolated myself from the world for 14 years, and am in the proccess of isolating myself more, i understand what you are going through because i am too.

i am glad you have found peace, and now have a family, you are so lucky to be able to move through your past daemons, i hope you continue to do so.

I am glad you see yourself as living in the lucky country, it really is for some people.

You have a wonderful outlook on life @SuperNova1987, please continue on your journey, i hope you have a wonderful life.

Take care, Be kind to yourself.

Jacques

Hi J,

I can be a synic......and negative about everything at times, like its a second nature...

Perhaps it is - a capricorn is always stubborn.

I have found peace in my "home made" garden today.... I am a student - near ending my 3rd year of studies, and i have been frantic about life this weekend in particular...

Whether to take an additional T-VET Loan for further diploma study - or whether to continue as a mother of a 5 year old in foster care, (since he was a baby) due to PTSD and Suicidal attempts.

- (removal of my child by goverment agencies escalated my detriment on this planet) - or whether i should rejoin with my now long distance partener of 6 years (in which i have again become isolated for 2 years now...)

- who works full time in a commercial cookery position - so much so that either i join those ranks - or i spend what minimal time i have with him - sorrowful that i wish things could be different.

Anyhew - the garden has kept me sane this spring..... Not all things in life are what they seem...

I have suffered alone in a state of disrepair previously under what some might call "Heavenly disposition"....

Many times i have had the world on a silver platter and have been to pre-occupied by my resent & distaste for all things. - I tell myself "All i want is love...." when i have it, i can't tell.... So like a busy bee - i create a world of my own full of love... this makes me happy. I dont think about anything else.

As long as i can maintain happiness - I will forget what a/the deep sadness is like....

I know how it feels to be cloaked in misery.

But - the difference is - I could not share this misery in fear of being confronted by myselflessness in others eyes. - I hate misery - it is a painful phsyical state of confusion that i know can identify as a form of mental illness....

I am from the blue mountains originally - but now i am in a hotter climate near port maccquarie, wonderful place to grow tomatoes - I have set up a recycled pallat and cooking oil cans - garden

- Today i mastered some water catching pots (tis arid here)...

- by placing large rocks sourced from the neighbouring feilds inside the "provisioned containers"

- Used some old Onion sacks & Orange bags ( the orange plastic net materials) to net the dirt to be placed above the rocks,

- Placed some mulch over the nets - then home-made compost & dirt, and vola!!

- hopefully these pots will hold the rain water in the rocky compartment for the plants when they grow through the dirt and netting to the bottom... (no holes in the bottem of course.)

Recycled Pots:

Olive oil 4lt cans - (can-opener...)

Buckets

Boots

Basket balls (cut in half)

Tyres - Ahhh the happy list goes on.......

Dont get Mean - Get Green!! - Smiley Face!!!

"come on im depressing - and i still didnt notice!"

Note to readers - I joined the forum because i heard a radio segment about a youth affected by mental illness - she mentioned her beginnings into despair as a 6 foot lino cage.... with an elevated den for sleep...

At this i was excited - I had the same experience in my first escape into the world...

So i have decided to enter this forum - Yes - my life is peachy - but not picture perfect (like they must look in magazines...)

I enjoy the summers in a converted garage/shed with tin for a roof, 100 degrees in summer, and -0 in winter (due to global warming...) I have 2 pairs of good pants and shoes that smell. the only clothes in good condition are in a spare suitcase - that are designated for work purposes only....

I only see my son every 3 months for a period of 2 hours twice over the school holidays - and he is the actual light in my exsistance ( so deprevation is not new to me....)

I am in a long term relationship with a chinese foriegner - whom does not quite know english (although this has made an oblivian of verbal conflict.....) - he is an australian yes - before he met me - but the culture differences are extreme.

I lived in the western suburbs of sydney for 2 years before coming here - belmore, campsie, bankstown, and their is a cultural shock allover again!! - Daily struggling with my inability to function peacefully in todays society.... No happiness.

Previously for a year i kept a diary - in which i would forcibly draw a mandala on each consecutive page - using a CD and cups as the traced circles - everyday - when i felt a pinch of pain - i would draw in this diary.

That Diary is the size of an Iphone....

.... Its all Random really... LOL

Hi @SuperNova1987,

Wow you really are moving on woith your life, good for you, for those of us struggling day-to-day it will be a great comfort to know their is light at the end of a long dark tunnel.

You seem very creative with the gardening, i try to capture as much water as possible too, it is so hard in australia having a garden, their is just never enough water around.

life can be stressful but you sound like you have great support in your partner, and you have a child to keep you focused on the future, you will do well at uni having such a supporting atmosphere.

Jacques

Glad you have decided to join our forum @SuperNova1987.

Love the greenie posts .. we all need the encouragement we can get in that direction.

Have you got any fruit trees to keep some real peachiness in your life.

I had a friend in the 90s who tried to rasie 4 kids in minimal conditions up in that area ... its tough .. and you definitely show resilience.

Sorry you are not seeing your son often ... I have had too much expreience with DHS one way or another ... it is a big loss ... but my truth is that I wish there were more people living like you do rather than being consumer gung ho.

I am doing much better than I was ... hang in there for yourself.

Hi Appleblossom,

I am lucky enough to have sa couple of mango trees and a lychee tree, the little graden is coping hard in the heat - but life prevails....

Back in the mountains - in my home suburb we had peach trees that would be ripe in the coming month all along the railway line, "the garden village..." near katoomba, we also have sugar plum trees along some back roads - and apple trees that occassionaly ripen past bitter - ha ha ha....

-always adds a feeling of grace to your day finding gods goods on the ground...

I went on a memorable camping trip with my parents at Springwood .. converted me to loving the bush for life ... though I have mostly lived in the city.

I studied Earth Science at uni ... but couldnt continue as most classmates were joning mining companies and I couldnt possibly go that way. My son says we would have been a lot richer if I had ... but understands and appreciated why I did not become a Geologist.

I know a lady who puts wet table cloths over her precious trees to help them through the worst of the heat.

Now I could get argumentative with you .. lol ...and ask if you heard about the sink-hole in in London ...

Its a beautiful area where you grew up ... Glad to have you here on the forum