Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change. Do you agree?

Hi @girl99

I do love the quote - thanks for sharing it. Yes I do find it very interesting also. Some wonderful responses from members here that I also found interesting reading.

To answer your question - is it better to do something...anything that is different rather than staying the same? If a person is unhappy in their present state of life - absolutely. Change then is as good as a holiday. A break from the rountine mundane sadness and change can bring a hopeful distraction from it.

I have found myself in that position a few times in my life, (felt empty and sad), and this did motivate me to look for something better, for change; I did this by planning and trying different things in my life that I had never done before: - i.e.volunteer work, travel, becoming part of a cause I was passionate about, trying a new hobby and joined interest groups meeting new people, started an academic course together with healtier lifestyle changes; - I did much soul searching working on my spiritual side. All brought much change, I even met my husband, my soul mate through making changes to my life.

These changes did bring some positive changes, but also together with a few disappointments. At times I became disheartened. I encountered many obstacles in my path that screamed out to me to "give up". But I chose to push through within my limitations. And the main thing that I derived from making some changes was more life experience, confidence, friends, wisdom and inner growth.

Some of the changes I made did not live up to my expectations, if something did not work out I would look for something else etc and sometimes compromise had to be made rather than giving up; - but the fact that I tried to bring about change brought for me with it an inner sense of achievement and satisfaction. I was growing on the inside from having taken a leap of faith regardless of the outcome. So yes, life does did get better for me with making positive changes. Leaving things to chance never got me anywhere. "I had to go out and seek the opportunities -" I had to make it happen".

So I was better off from where I started from definitely. May not be quite at that point where ideally I wanted to be, but the changes I made brought an improvement to my life to where I was - I have made progress. That was the outcome. Progress in its essence is created by making the right choices, the right changes and/or learning by the wrong ones (it's a package deal). And can be quite as individual as we are. They have to be the right changes for us personally and where we are at.

Any change in quality of life and being, no matter how small or big, is worth it. Go for it!

@Former-Member @frog @Mazarita @NatalieS

@Shaz51 @utopia @BambiFawn

Thank you all for your helpful replies. I understand that some of you have said I should talk about my feelings on this forum and that it's anonymous but I have to be careful and I am cautious. My partner works in IT security and I know he monitors my phone and emails. I can only think that he monitors this forum as well. He is not physically abusive towards me but he is not nice to me. I am in an unhappy marriage with someone who I think really doesn't like me very much. One of my friends thinks my partner perhaps has aspergers or some issues and cannot express emotions or feelings but he is not nice to live with. I feel very unappreciated and devalued and I want a different life for myself but I don't even know what a different life looks like. I am so lonely. I feel very stuck.

Dear @girl99

Only just read your post this morning and, apart from a few details, your circumstances are a mirror image of my life, so my heart goes out to you. There are different resons why I stay where I am, so I understand where you're coming from. Not everything's black and white, there are so many shades of grey

. I'm not around the forums as much as I'd like. Gotta get ready for work now so I'll try to drop in when I can.

Take care and stay safe.

@utopia @Former-Member @frog @Mazarita

@girl99 my heart goes out to you. You're in my thoughts.

thinking of you @girl99 , sending you tender hugs

Hey.

I don't think change makes your life better. I've made many changes - big, small and in-between and nothing has made my life better or improved my MH. It could do in the future but I wouldn't bet on it.

Hi @girl99, I agree with @utopia, that all the monitoring of you is a form of control that is not okay. Please do consider getting some advice and support for a move out of a relationship situation that sounds quietly abusive. If you have a trusted GP, I would consider talking to them about it, with a view to getting some Medicare-rebated psychologist sessions, and other help, as @utopia has also suggested. This issue is not so much about change in itself. To me it now seems mainly that you clearly wish to leave this relationship, for understandable reasons. Hoping the best for you during this time in your life.

@Mazarita

@MaryMahem

@frog

Thank you for your replies. Yes I do need to make some big changes and I'm not sure where to begin. You are right that counselling might help me. I will look into finding someone to talk to. @NatalieS. I'm sorry to hear you are in a similar situation. It's so hard.