Bipolar 1 husband hyper-religious

Hi there.

This is my first time posting & I’m hoping to reach others who might be in a similar situation to myself. My husband was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder, he’s had 2 major episodes with psychotic features, characterised by strong religious delusions. It was extremely confronting to see the person you love behaving so uncharacteristic, devastating too be honest, not too mention fearing for your own safety as you witness your loved one sink into an abyss of paranoia. The experience left me in a high state of anxiety for months afterwards. The last major episode saw a stint in an overseas jail, an involuntary hospitalisation & myself needing to urgently travel overseas to his aid & bring him safely home upon stabilisation.

With each episode I’ve noticed an increase in his piousness & his devotion to religion, he always had some faith but was never a regular church goer, in place of that husband is now one who attends church regularly, weekly bible studies & one that could be reduced to tears from reading a particular bible passage. I have supported him mostly in these changes, thinking faith offers him comfort, guidance & stability with his illness, although I’ll admit it’s still completely bizarre to watch as the husband I have now is not the same as the one I once had. He has made it clear the hierarchy order of things & that God comes first, it’s hard not to feel resentful as this is not what I signed up for. On the flip side of the coin, I wonder does religion also fuel the symptoms? He’s compliant with his medication but not seeing his psychiatrist as regularly as needed to review medication etc. I’ve noticed it comes in waves but he will sometimes go on a religious rant, saying things to me like “I am full of hatred & guided by the devil, I need to repent for my sins otherwise it will be too late”. It’s unsettling & disturbing to say the least, during these times I feel very on edge. Then the following day or 2 he seems more stable, a month or so later the behaviour might repeat itself once more. I don’t know how to feel about the religious side of things long term, I am worried he will push some of his hard line views onto our children. Lately, he’s been unusually jealous, hammering me about things, asking me who I’m trying to look good for because it couldn’t be him. His sleeping patterns are far from on track, unpredictable from one night to the next, it’s clear he needs his medication reviewed & I’m desperately needing him to manage his illness better, I can’t get any acknowledgment from him that the symptoms of his illness might affect him at times, it’s like he thinks the medication is fool proof & he is immune to any mood changes so long as he takes it. This is the short version but I am becoming tired in mind, body & spirit, I think I might be suffering situational depression, I’m finding it challenging to be the Mother I need to be to for our children, I feel I lack patience with them due to the constant anxiety I feel. I do see a psychologist every couple of weeks & have a couple of friends who are confidantes. It’s still however an incredibly isolating experience & I wish I knew someone else who’s also been through something similar, especially in regards to the new found religious fanaticism.

If so, please reach out, I’m becoming very tired & weary & desperately looking for someone who I can relate to.