feeling like a silly donkey

I used to be eloquent and well spoken and I did very well academically at my convent college where I was taught by nuns. The Headmaster gave 10 out of 150 students scholastic awards and I was one of the few to receive achievement certificates for academic excellence. I went on to work in the public service for 3 1/2 years and attended University of Queensland.

These days, after years of verbal abuse and once physically beaten by my mother and having had 4 fathers by the age of 18. I seem to have lost a little confidence and I think I'm more jovial now, and sounding like a donkey a little. I am quite humble and try not to big note myself. But I feel I have let myself down by not being as well-spoken recently as I used to be. I think I need to believe in myself more and say good words to myself. As the tape of my mother's verbal abuse and critical voice has possibly affected my confidence a little. I am working on checking my self-talk and subliminals, and correcting any negative or critical thoughts about myself. Saying positive affirmations has helped me a lot, but I just want to be my old well spoken self. Maybee I've been jovial more as a way to cope. Maybe it's an emotional cocoon my mother has put me in.