I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

*u not i

@outlander - not upset about anything in particular. Just disappointed in myself, and sad. Still finding it hard to find reasons to continue

One of those days hey.. @Sans911 you might not think it but you are worth it. I mean alot to me and others here and your family's foster or not. the chronic feeling of suicide idealation is terrible. Theres days i dont understand them. Have everything and should be happy but with suicide thoughts. Makes no sense and it can be really upsetting yeh. I was told that part of it moulds in with bpd and have read that somewhere as well.

I hope when the stupid season is over things will ease though. Thats my hopes anyway...

Sorry thats prob noooo help to you is it @Sans911

Would u rather just sit and go to our safe place @Sans911 i dont want u further uoset ao im just going with the flow and whatever u wanna do 💕

@outlander - it was helpful; it doesn't make things worse talking about suicide. This is one of the few places that it feels safe to express my feelings about it and even mention the word. It feels ok talking about being not ok. I feel I'm a little better, but suicidal thoughts drag me down most days, and sometimes it feels easy to give into them. I'm staying alive right now as part of an agreement with my counsellor, but when she goes, then what? And even with her around the temptation is so strong some days. There is no escaping your own thoughts

Its ok not to be ok @Sans911 im glad the agreeement is there but even better would be your own reasons to stay alive. For yourself. Not for anyone else but just for you. Soething u can grasp onto and know that's your reason. Easier said than done that is for sure. And no theres no escaping our own thoughts however we can defer them. I want you alive and i want you to live for you. How do we live when we are stuck in this im not sure but youve done it this long and i believe in you. Theres a special place for you in this world and earth will never be the same without you.
I dont know your past well all of it and thats ok. I dont need to to understand your thoughts and feelings cause as u said we are very alike in that manner.

Remember those goals you had a while ago... do you still have them?
Do i want me to help you create some new ones?
We need to get that fire burning again... whas something you want to do or something your passionate about?

@outlander - I don't have the same goals as before. I have no passion for anything either. My counsellor wants me to set some structure in my say or have some goals to work towards. But I am empty. I have nothing right now. And it upsets me greatly every time I go there thinking about it. Because I HAD goals, I HAD direction and structure. Now, it's all gone. Nursing was my everything, my greatest passion and my greatest torture.

'I have nothing right now' i like that line @Sans911 things can change. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse.
How about we leave goals for now except keeping alive and getting through each day as u can.

You love nursing yeh i know youve said your options before but i dont remember u meantioning this one... what about teaching nursing? Teaching and helping some of the new nurses... could that be an option for you? To offer your services as an RN tutor?

@outlander I have thought about nursing education, but I need a Cert 4 in Training & Assessment. Cost is about 1800.

I'm sorry my lil Sis. Eyelids are drooping. Can't stay awake. Chat with you tomorrow. Get some sleep tonight for you.

Goodnight sweetheart 💜💙💜💙