I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

@outlanderTired from this morning and all the driving. Had something go wrong this afternoon and ended up with some heavy flashbacks

What are you up to tonight?

aww that sucks @Former-Member have you got them under control now?

im stressing so much and in my frantic thing ive done something- that well i dont regret but im hoping it fixes a few things. ive decided to get a loan after christmas and start by getting my sisters back into pony club so they can make some more horsey friends and stop their horses from going to waste in the paddock. and also have stuff to do as well casue where they are moving too theres barely any riding room and my sisters already hate it there so i want to get them back into pony club.

im thinking about joining back up too, if i can get the pain and flare ups under control and my horse at least safe enough to go then ill join up to but i want to get my sisters in there first. itll also force my mother to have at least every second if no every weekend off.

it actually seems to have settled those strange feelings i was having before. i mean it hasnt solved the problem but my sisters will focus on their horses instead of mine. pony rides are ok on my horse but not constant nagging and ill be telling them that too.

my mothers already agreed to it- well actually she didnt i told her that was what i was doing and just said yeh? and she said if you want. done ive contacted out local pony club to get the ball rolling so i can join them up in febuary or march when it starts back up.

@outlanderseems like you have done something very constructive so well done sis. Hopefully it will help in the long run. Do you have to pay for it all or can your mum help pay for some of it? It would be great if you could join back up yourself, give you something to look forward to and enjoy.

Semi under control, just trying to distract myself on here. I'll be ok, the worst part is over now.

yes constructive. i am so friggin stressed i havent got a clue what im doing. the msg i sent to the people who run it made no sense and had to rewrite it. im not doing anymore tonight.

im being right run off my feet whith barely any breaks and its only going to get worse. i spoke to mum today about this move. i said im going to need help because im running aroound so much, i go to work twice so its not that feedings a problem but its the kids horses too. they are in private yard rather than the shared paddock where mine will be. and she snapped at me over that too. i dont know how the fk im going to cope with 2 jobs, looking after all the horses, sisters over the holidays, chirstmas.

im working christmas day. i have 6 horses to feed and thats not including our horses that will be in a small ayrd while in quarentine and they dont give 2 shits. im spending almost 90 on fuel a week becasue im running everywhere but home. im exhausted and they wont help me. if when they are set up in their paddocks and my mother dont help i cna guarentee itll be a screaming match.

after that convo i come home and collapsed on the floor, in pain, crumpled over. it its taking its toll on me so much. 2 weeks until these horses settle in 5 weeks till school holidays go back. thats what i need to make it through. day by day and that is all im aiming for but i dont know if i can @Former-Member

anyway im glad your semi under control, keep talking as much as you want

what are your plans for tonight?

sorry @Former-Member i shouldnt have unloaded that

@outlanderI can't talk about it atm, just need to focus my attention elsewhere.

No plans for tonight, just put kids to bed and sitting on couch watch BBT.

Maybe a screaming match is needed in order for your mum to realise how much pressure/stress she is putting on you. I know it is not ideal and you would probably want to avoid it, but sometimes the only way to get through to people is to say it outright to them.

You can make it through hun, your are an extremely strong person. Can you take some meds at all for the pain? Bath/shower?

@outlanderNEVER be sorry for unloading hun. If it helps you to get it out than I do not mind listening. This is the place where you should feel safe and comfortable to unload when you need to. I might not have any answers but am happy to sit and listen

Hi to aslo @Former-Member in the background there

bbt is good, have you found another safe show yet? Something to change it up abit? @Former-Member

I shouldnt have unloaded. Im sorry. Its not fair to you guys.

I can barely recognise myself under all this stress and pain and it just keeps adding as I keep getting earaches and like sharp pains inside my ear 😞 taken the max dosages of my pain releif and its not enough but th stress is casuing a lot more than usual.

Screaming gets me nowhere. It just blows up and makes things harder for me and I dont want to cause any tension anywhere for the kids. If the kids were older and out of home then I wouldnt have a problem with it but I dont want my mother getting the craps and well she wont take it out on me but as you do when on war path everything gets knocked about.

Ive had a shower. I keep running to the bathroom because I feel sick. I havent been able to take my AD s for 2 days now because I cant get them down. Pain releif I can crush or dissolve. The other ones Im not even suppose to break them in half and I break them into 4s .

Hi @outlander 🙂

I'm sorry that you're experiencing so much stress and physical pain at the moment. You have more than a lot on your plate. It's really lovely to see how much support you and @Former-Member have been providing each other tonight.

I'm about to head off for the night but I hope you are both able to get some rest, take care.

good night @Former-Member