I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

thanks for sitting with me everyone. i appreciate it. it helps to know im not alone here.

the things that happened with family today and a few things over the previous days have really gotten to me and am finding im withdrawing alot more from everyone and everything. its not only whats going on within the forums because one day itll get sorted and things will once again have that security blanket.

but its the things in life causing this. i dont generally withdraw from people. i usually ask for help. im not sure whats happened to make me switch but in life form i really havent got anyone and its proven again and again that im ot wanted in this world or to be near people.

feeling pretty disheartened and all those associated feelings atm and finding it hard to be anywhere including in my own bed. wandering around lost in this house not know what to do.

think ill log off at least for now. sorry everyone

@Owlunar@Sans911@Shaz51@Former-Member@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope

@outlanderthere is no need to say sorry. You are expressing how you feel, that is one of the things the forum is for. We all go through times where we sometimes withdraw and somtimes reach out for help. Neither one is right or wrong, it is just what we all do. I have done the same at different times.

I am sorry you feel you are not wanted in this world, I am sure your Pop for one would think differently. You are always wanted here sis. Still sitting with you as always.

Good Morning Claire @outlander 🙂

@outlander, big hugs sis

Hi @outlander

You do deserve to have happiness - that doesn't mean you will be happy every minute but certainly like everyone else you do deserve to feel great about things sometimes and at others - just getting along with it all - like most people

Having your family move out is a great change in your life and these things all add up on the stress-meter of your life and yes - this is confronting - it seems as if it will be all great but alas - it's like having an operation - getting the tough parts out means all sorts of disruption - just has when you had you operation on your skin recently -

It means adjustment - I am having my knee cleaned out tomorrow and not looking forward to the operation at all - I am finding it hard keeping my thoughts in a straight line - um - yes - finding it hard to find the right words I am looking for - tomorrow I am going to have to control my freak-out jokes - my daughter is driving me to the hospital and she doesn't quite understand the "loosing the plot" stuff I have - but that's okay - and as great as it will be to get the torn cartilage fixed it will take time to recover - and so I get it

Your family seems to be having a great time until you appear and they all stop and stare at you until you leave them to it but here's the thing

They can't take your happiness or peace of mind or whatever is good for you away from you unless you let them - it takes practise and I guess in time you will learn that - and you can start now

If you need time out from the forum - actually - so do I. I haven't been here much over the last few days and I find this is okay - I just can't seem to get past the point where I am right now and although I have attended to most things there is still stuff left over

Getting to deal with untidy bits of your life is an art - it can take a life-time if we ever really manage it well - so don't let your family bother you - actually they need your help and whatever they are thinking and feeling isn't yours to know - but maybe they feel just as rotten

One day at a time - if this is too much - one breath at a time and you are still recovering from being seriously ill so give yourself a break -

You are worth having in the world - you are worth your space and time and happiness -

I am really wishing I could do a better job of writing right now but I care heaps

Dec

good morning Niqua @Former-Member

thanks @Former-Member sending some of those to you too

its jsut gone afternoon here but i know its still morning for you @Sans911 so good morning to you are you still in hospital or have they discharged you? this place is basically the only good decision ive made and i dont want to loose here, nor do i want to hurt others. theres a fine line atm to how im feeling. do i ask for help and possibly upset others, or make others upset if i dont hmm react? or do i sit here and just let it pass over in its own due course.

@Owlunarfirstly your doing a fine job of writing. even when you dont try to so please dont worry if it sounds 'weak' becasue it isnt. i know you care, even when your not here and i hope you know that i care very much for you too. ive been following along with your story for long while now just as you have mine- sometimes i jsut have no idea what to say.

i do want them to move out. i cant wait and neither can they. we all know its been long enough so we are trying to get them moved as quick as possible. jsut waiting on the real estate to hand over the keys now which they seem to be taking their time over but its either today or tomorrow morning we will be getting the keys.

yes illness is deed. ive jsut gone back to work after 4 weeks but had another accident today luckily someone else was around. the owners of the new horses im looking after said that they are really easy going. it took me an hour to catch them nd i didnt end up catching them as i had another one of those breathing/coughing fits. so the person there decided to call an ambulance and they checked me over and i was ok after that so no need for an admission. just more rest. i get tomorrow off from that but will be helping move house but only the easy stuff.

so back to furniture hunting it is and trying to work out what i want in it as in accessories wise

also sorry for the delay- my internet cut out right as i posted so i lost most of my post!