@Former-Member
Here is a recap of our weekend I posted on another thread yesterday ..... sorry it's long ......
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Well, I have survived the big fat Greek 18th ❣
We had a good two days of ❎✅❎✅❎✅ ....... we don't seem to be able to do anything much without it ...... but everything came together well enough in the end, and what didn't go to plan, we just fudged it a bit and got through. The thing is, because you have planned things a certain way, it's only really you who knows that they haven't quite worked out that way, because nobody else knows how the plans were supposed to work out, and they just accept what is ....... and it was lovely ...... and D3 and her friends danced their feet off, then crashed out in the lounge room where they will probably surface later and have cake for breakfast ❣
d.i.l. didn't manage the night tho ........ she came with S1, then they left within about half an hour ..... but he came back later and stayed for the rest of the evening. I can't really do or say much to help her. I don't think she feels badly towards me, but I do know she has her own mother-issues wrapped up in there and locks me out ....... for whatever her pain-fuelled reasons ....... and I can't trespass on her inner world. Just light candles and pray for her ........ and for S1. I know it is very hard for both of them at the moment.
Gotta get up and start sorting out ....... lots of cleaning up and sorting out to do. We do "birthday week" I know I have mentioned before, because one day doesn't feel long enough, and sometimes "birthday day" is not a good one, so "birthday week" feels like a better idea. Well here is another better idea ..... I will have a good "clean up after the party week" now ......... I give myself a lot of latitude about things like that these days. No sense in pushing my wagon faster than it can go ........ and I won't get much help from WH.
He had a bit of an episode yesterday, when it looked like the evening was not going to come together on time - there was too much that had gone ❎-shaped and not enough ✅ left in me to pull it together fast enough - so I asked if he could pitch in and help a bit ....... like he used to do ....... when we all pulled together to make these things happen ......
Well !! He went ballistic at me ....... one of those blind-side moments where you can't see it coming ........ saying that he has never pitched in with these things before, and asking me why I expected it of him now, and he had so much other stuff to get done, and he didn't need to explain himself to me, cos he does so much behind the scenes to keep this family going ...... and on he went.
I have learned to do a shut-down in those moments. I'm not going to be able to find him because he has turned into someone else at that point ...... so it's absolutely pointless to argue or try to defend myself at that moment. I just breathed deeply, answered "yes sir, no sir" enough to get off the phone as quickly as possible, had a cry while I was driving to where I had to go ....... D3 had been in the car being dropped off, and she had bailed mid-conversation so I had a good cry and got it out of my system ........
Through conversations with the kids, and one more with WH, it became clear that after he had hung up, he had turned around and pitched in ........ go figure !! ...... and saved the day by doing so ...... !! I just can't dwell on it. There is no rhyme or reason to it, just part of our reality at the moment, and on we go ....... it was just another stark reminder that he's not well.
The evening was beautiful, and some of the guests know our struggles and gave me hugs across the night, as did the kids. Yep, little red wagons have to keep chugging along if they want to get there ....... 🚂🚃🚃🚃 ...... "I think I can, I think I can ......"
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