Night Shift

@Mazarita I've been writing things down - I often see medical people with a written list as then I can be sure I don't forget to mention something. I've been told by one or two that they like that approach.

When my GP did the referral I took it home and felt she hadn't said enough so I took it back to her and told her more and she wrote all over it rather than type a new one! But some things seem to be changing again since it was written. I'm just going to tell him that and see what he says.

I've had quite a different experience with psychologists from yours ... interesting. Could be that they have a different approach up here, I don't know.

@Mazarita I'm getting tired again and will try to get some more sleep now. Nice to chat with you again. Night night.

@eth,

How bizarre that your GP just wrote all over the old referral. I guess it still conveys the message but I would have taken that as expressing some impatience that you had asked for it to be changed. It reminds me of something that happened with a GP I saw once. He was about to change clinics and, on the last session in the old clinic, he gave me a copy of my clinical notes to give back to him when I saw him again at the new place (his way of getting around red tape). I saw in the notes that he had written that my partner had 'feared for his life' from me. He had written down something I told him completely wrong, with a rather extremely different meaning! When I told him he was quite impatient and just added a word or two, as though that really made up for such a gross misunderstanding! I don't see that doctor anymore but it does make me wonder what is actually in all the clinical notes that have been amassed about me over the years!

With the psychologists I've seen, it's been obvious they are working with very set structures and trying to fit me into the squares even when I feel myself to be a round peg. With the psychiatrists, I have had more of a regular back and forth on common sense grounds. I have read more people having the opposite reaction, trouble with psychiatrists, liking psychologists better. It's probably just me and my personal response really.

p.s. woops, missed you, nightie night, sweet dreams. 🙂

You just caught me @Mazarita What an awful experience to have with that GP. I hate to think what's in my notes too, especially at the hospital as I don't remember much of the psychotic episode that meant I ended up there (unwillingly). My GP notes say my bipolar is only since 2010, but that's when the clinic started and apparently my old GP, who did move to the new clinic, never added my history into the new records. So it seems to be lost now.

Have to put my head down now but will catch up with you again soon no doubt. 🙂

Good morning @eth and @Mazarita

@eth I wish you all the best for your appointment and do try to make notes and add things as you go through the week. After 8 months I am sure there is a lot you have to tell the psychiatrist.

@Mazarita it is really so different from person to person. I'm amazed your GP gave you all your notes. I know that I can ask mine to read them, because I have asked him before at the beginning. I don't think I want to know what is in his notes. As you said, sometimes they will interpret differently to what we are saying, but for me it is also that I actually forget what I said or what was said when I feel really bad - and I don't want to know.

I've stopped seeing two psychologists because of the square peg, round hole dilemma. I don't think their structure really fits me. I feel like they are hurting me, they are showing me that I am different and sometimes I get flashbacks because they don't know my boundaries / I don't know them either - but then I blame them, because previously I was often able to contain my history and distract myself before things got out of hand.

My current psychiatrist is at the moment just doing damage control and keeping me alive. He has recognised the square peg, round hole dilemma and is working on solutions that fit me. I still don't like him because he gives me medication and I don't like taking medication, but that's a whle different story. At least he tries to explain to me what's going on and is attentive.

I think their job is just not easy, as it is not straight forward. They see only snapshots of our lives and more often than not they see us "on the bad foot". My social worker is a lot more interested in who I am as a person and does not put any pressure on me to "get better". I think that suits me better.

@Mazarita @eth are you currently seeing a psychologist? What different approaches have you tried? I've done CBT and ACT, but did not finish either.

Good morning @plasmo

How are you this morning. Even if you don't want to say much, I do read your posts and I think it is great that you try 🙂

Hi @Former-Member,

Wandered off there for a bit to read news website and just found that you had posted. I will probably go back to bed for some more sleep soon (been awake since about 3am) but wanted to respond to your post first.

I agree with you, mostly I don't want to see my medical notes and have never asked for them. But I do feel vulnerable at times about communication going on behind my back. I suffer from some some paranoia and I often wonder what therapists are thinking or writing about me, especially since that time with the GP and the strange misinterpretation he made. I've never been violent, though I have been verbally abusive in my worst moments and it was that my partner was referring to: he feared for his mind with what I was putting him through (not his life). It's still not good that I was capable of driving him to feelings of madness but his actual life has never been under threat from me by a long shot. This was many years ago now and the treatment for my mental illness has improved enormously in that time, and me along with it.

Interesting to hear that you also have the square peg/round hole dilemma with psychologists. I have been treated with techniques from CBT and DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy - which honestly just depresses me). What is ACT? I think it's great that your current psychiatrist is working on solutions that fit you personally. I've personally found medication to be a life saver but I went for five years at the start of my treatment resisting it so I understand your reluctance with it. It does have its downsides but it has improved my wellbeing a lot, and the wellbeing of those around me.

You are wise to see that the job of psychiatrists or psychologists is not easy or straightforward. I do try to remember that they are human too, not just there for us as therapist objects. I've never had a social worker but I currently have a Phams support worker (Personal Helpers and Mentors) and I find this one of the most helpful things I have ever experienced, aside from medication.

I am currently seeing a psychologist but I am debating whether to finish my sessions with her early next time we meet as I am not satisfied with the DBT approach and don't feel any real rapport with her. Time will tell whether I decide to continue with it or not. I won't decide until after our next session which is at the end of next week.

Thanks for responding in such detail to my earlier post and sharing more of your story here. Really hope things improve more for you over time.

Good morning @Former-Member. How are you feeling this morning. I'm hoping your body aches have gone away😊💜

Hi and goodnight @Mazarita. I hope you sleep well.😴💤