Hi @eth
I became involved with the Royal Commission into Aboriginal Deaths in Custody after I kept my promise to my son that I would find his birth mother - I did find her - it took me 10 years - and I wonder every day how she felt when she learned he had died 8.5 years prior to the brief contact we had through a third person at the end of 1995
Here's something really eerie - we contacted the Adoption Information Services independently - within 3 weeks of each other.
I sent her a long letter telling her a little about his life - and a large packet of photos - one for every year of his life - and the question must have been in those photos because she wanted to know if there was anything she could do for me - and I asked if she could confirm his aboriginal father - which she did
So with that proof I was able to get involved with the Commission and the Statitstics into Aboriginal Death were changed - and this change of one person was significant because during the Commission they had investigated 99 deaths - and my son's death made 100 - and of Juvenile Deaths in Custody - there were 5 non-aboriginal deaths and 4 aboriginal deaths - and these figures were reversed - 5 aboriginal deaths and 4 non-aboriginal deaths
In 1996 we had the Premier's Task Force into Youth Suicide and that's when I was able to make a huge contribution that I had been working on for 10 years by then - and my submission was such that I was invited to speak at a public forum - my submission covered so many areas - adoption, cross-racial adoption, breakdown of the marriage, death in custody - more than that - it was a terrific moment in my life when I stood up and made my speech - I was not a professional who had an outside interested - I had lived through it - and I had finished my Honours Degree at that stage - I had all the research skills necessary
So what I feel is this - I was intended to do all this work - and I did - and although it might sound arrogant I am proud of what I did. It did not bother me at all that he was aboriginal - I am rather pleassed about it.
But I have not followed up any contact with his birth mother - I have to ask myself what good could come of it - and I don't know her - I know a little about her - and I wish I could tell her but this is not easy - it is really hard to make a decision
So - as the 30th Anniversary comes closer I know I will not have any family support during what I feel is a very important anniversary - I am going to treat myself - I did a lot of work in 10 years and at the end of that time I felt that I had done enough
But I find I am still telling my story - and I will be telling this story for the rest of my life - and I am glad to do it
My son was a very disturbed and unhappy person - but I have not let him die in vain - and because of this - I can rest knowing that part of my life has the ends tied up.
But I still grieve for him - I will - for my whole life and even after than
I feel I can trust my friends in this forum - you all mean so much to me
Things have been hard the last couple of days - but other years I have gone through these weeks in a terrible state - this year I have had a couple of bad days here and there - a great improvement
Decadian
