Night Shift

...and an early jet just flew over to get me a bit edgy, lol. Don't think I've mentioned the air traffic before. Yes there is sunrise over the beach. I've seen it on occasions. That's another thing it would be nice to do again.

I have been involved at various times over my life with music (basic), theatre (when I was much younger) and media. Also been a bit of a writer at times. I've been doing some colouring lately for therapy, sometimes using colouring books and sometimes just making shapes in a sketch book that I then colour in. I have had a mental block about drawing all my life so I enjoy just playing with the colours and shapes.

What do you mean by 'media' @Mazarita?

Writing is really good for us too. An outlet and a focus for busy minds. I used to write a bit of poetry and prose and do journalling but haven't for a few years. What sort of writing do you like to do?

Since my medication has stabilized me in many ways I find I don't get quite such urges to do creative things - the price I pay I guess. Better overall but I miss the highs occasionally for this reason. Used to love sewing too.

Wonderful that you have the creativity with cooking. I've never been much of a cook at all. It sounds like your Mum was definitely onto something seeing a blend of science and creativity in your massage work. Do you still give massages? I sometimes give intuitive neck and shoulder massages to my friend around the corner. I have the same problem with medications and creativity and have also resigned myself to that (at least for now). I have trouble reading these days too, just can't seem to launch myself into the creative universe of the author like I used to be able to do. I am liking the process of writing here on the forum. I occasionally write spontaneous, brief poems, sometimes journals. I've previously written short narratives as well. The media making has mostly been small-scale projects with home technology.

Yes, the air traffic is a little bugbear of my daily life. I have an odd phobia about it and imagine crashes etc. Doesn't bother me enormously, just one of those odd anxieties.

I hardly ever do massages these days. Just don't feel as confident, have the same stamina or ability to put myself aside for the other person's needs as I used to. I think there's an element of being blocked to the physical contact since the last assault. Plus 'compassion fatigue' - I cared for others and was a carer at home for special needs child for so many years. Maybe it will come back to me, who knows? (I stress it was only ever the therapeutic kind of massage).

Trying to imagine the sort of thing you might mean with your media projects.

I still enjoy reading but haven't done as much the last few months after almost 5 years of being able to do little else. That's how I used to stop myself thinking about bad things that had happened a lot of the time and also get to sleep after I stopped smoking herb.

I understand how assault would affect your relation to physical contact. I have problems with this too. I took a lot of risks with my sexuality during my long (hyper?)manic time and some of them turned out not so well. I understood it was therapeutic massage you did. With the media projects, they have been personal pieces. Mainly just exploring ways of putting images and sounds together, sometimes with music, sometimes poetic voice over. I've let myself explore darker artistic terrain as well as the more humorous or life affirming.

I too took many risks and paid a price at times. All we can do now is be glad that we are more aware and try not to blame ourselves for what happened in the past too much.

My mate always says "Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, today is what we have". I like some of his AA mottos.

I also did some performance poetry briefly and absolutely loved it but wouldn't have the confidence for that now. I love the whole poetry slam movement. Also did some spoken with music, almost hip hop style at a couple of big parties. Some of mine is pretty dark too, about the way people treat each other, social justice, some pretty angry at times but by no means all of it. Back in 2004/5 when I was in and out of full mania (in retrospect, didn't know it at the time) was when I was most 'out there' with it.

Blame and regret come up for me about the past, mainly for hurts done to others along the way but also for the unforeseen consequences of some experiences on me now. I like that AA motto. I'm not big on future plans these days, aside from basic issues like thinking ahead a bit with housing etc. as much as possible.

Wow, the performance poetry you were involved with sounds interesting. I am often quite manic in a way when engaged with creative activity, have done a fair few 18 hour marathons with video editing.