Night Shift

@Billamba, good to see you. I admire your moderation when breaking the rules. Things with partner are on the mend now. Thanks for your well wishes.

@Former-Member, so glad to hear you are coming to the end of something and that your psychiatrist has cleared you for work. Are you actually required to tell your boss what's been happening and about your MI? I think that kind of thing is a very personal decision (while of course taking the psychiatrist's advice under consideration). Great that he's willing to support you with a letter for the fam court. Thanks for the encouragement about walking today. It was great to get out and legs are okay.

@PeppiPatty, I do remember how exciting it was to get a Cleo when I was young. It was a really different kind of magazine for women, liberating at that time. I haven't seen one for years though. I will shed a tear just for the memory though. Hope you enjoy your evening.

Hello @Mazarita I am glad things are settling with your partner. You dont need to apologise about taking time to respond to any particular message. You have often just been there for me. I can understand if you are overwhelmed with your own issues. it is not an obligation to respond but it is healing for me to get responses,

I had to reduce my meds too. I needed to take them at a high dose to get through christmas but I was becoming a bit of a zombie. I was concerned that I needed to be alert while I was travelling and would be dealing with unfamiliar people and places. I dropped my antidep 300 mg per week but needed to take tranquilisers throughout trip to manage. Talked it over with GP today and she confirmed my approach so all good. I am getting fairly good at recognising the causes and triggers of my moods and the meds I take. I had mouthed off the first time I met this GP as I was very suicidal at the time .. but am settking diown and she said today that she feels she finally getting to know the real me.

@Former-Member The new unit sounds like it is the right size and nice and private which might help you feel safer. Good luck with session tomorrow. Glad the ex is getting some rap over knuckles .. hope its more than a light rap.

@Former-Member I have experienced the feeling to withdraw a bit from posting on the forum as I felt I had put so much out there and was terrible exposed. I am not sure what is triggering you. Go gently and listen to your body and your needs. I think it is amazing you managed to do so much psych at uni and very wise to take an angle based on an interest and a strength rather than straight "clinical". Did I tell you about the site "The Bulletproof Musician". It is about performance anxiety and informed by the sports psychology approach. I also had a few sessions with a sports psychologist who had studied at the Institute of Sport ... she had some surpisingly lovely homey ideas about doing exercies ... eg filling plastic milk bottles with water to use as weights when doing lunges etc.

Keep your career dream in a safe part of your heart while you work through the other stuff that life dishes up.

I also agree that it is important we do not minimise the suffering that MI can cause. I thought you held your ground eloquently and respectfully.

@Billamba Lovely to hear from you. I am not a teetotaller ... indulge occasionally .. its great when we can feel secure that we can do it and not get into bad habits. My cointreau bottle from doing christmas trifles is still 3/4 full ... yum yum .. I wonder how long it will last.

Yes I also like reading about the Scandinavian experiments. I took a book about RD Laing's experimental "Kingsley Hall" away and read it on the plane.... Half is written from patient Mary Barnes' point of view and half from the psychiatrist's: Joe Berke. Havent finished .. just savouring it.

@Terry It is great to get to know the people on this site. Gradually we reveal different aspects of ourselves. Recently you have been showing a lot more of your humour and mischieviousness ... it lightens the mood for all of us. The first posts I read were much more angry, but well argued. I would not have it any other way ... we are what we are. I think personally I need to get some pain and anger out before I can be light hearted.

Unlike dear @PeppiPatty I dont believe that we should be positive. I think it is more important to be authentic ... if that is positive ... great ... but if there are other pressing things that need expression .. sadness or rage ... many different feelings are key parts of living with MI and it is general social pressures to repress and deny that I believe casues MI in the first place.

Dear @Jacques Lovely to hear from you. Hope you are doing reasonably ... I see you as someone with enormous courage and patience. cheers Apple

Jeepers Kreepers @Appleblossom and @Mazarita,

Im on my wonderful computer (unlimited WIFI thanks @LittleBuddha) and Im doing my work but naturally Im reading all these posts...lol

Im reading the highlights of David Bowie. Did you know that he didnt have different eye colour? One of his eyes was permanently open because he fought with a friend at age 14 and his eye was ......altered....

This is why I absolutely adore @Appleblossom because she and me are not afraid to disagree. Yes, yes, Apple, I can see where your coming from....remeeting my wealthy are wellbalanced high school ffriends who all forgot to ask about each other.....or show much compassion ........

I felt authentic...I felt what you wruite about. I did. But there's this part of me that

believes in what y

ou wrote about.

I LOVE how upfront you are with meds. But I also think I have been a little insensetive with this message so Im changing it Its so good reading your message, nice on a very sensetive issue.......that you can actually engage with your Doctor but also .....be authentic..........

Talked it over with GP today and she confirmed my approach so all good. I am getting fairly good at recognising the causes and triggers of my moods and the meds I take. I had mouthed off the first time I met this GP as I was very suicidal at the time .. but am settking diown and she said today that she feels she finally getting to know the real me.

I dont know if you know what Im talking about Apple but Im feeling.......at last...Im feeling more settled .......is this it?? I dearly want to do a paper and writing course but dont know how to get about it and dont know if I can also having the man around.

Arlo sends his absolute love to you xx

heres a picture. I got all my hair cut off today, I like short hair.

Hi @Appleblossom, it's great that the trip went so well overall, including for your son and the young woman who accompanied you both. Sounds like you are handling your meds well and it's reassuring that your doctor agrees. My psychiatrist also told me to self-monitor with the reduction I'm going through now, and raise the dose again if I think I need to. I don't think I'll be doing that but it's nice to know he now trusts me to make a good decision either way. By the way, I am about halfway through 'Mateship With Birds' and appreciate its earthiness and the spare style of the writing. The story being told is compelling. Thanks for the recommendation.

Hello Bella

Glad you were authentic at the reunion.

You are actually a lovely and positive person @PeppiPatty and of course you dont have to change that... its just not of all of us are positive all of the time.

It would be so boring if we agreed all the time. Generally I have a lot of fear around conflict .. so I feel proud that somehow we have negotiated a friendly accord thats its ok to disagree but we still have heaps of friendly feeling for each other.

Lovely pic

Glad your liking Mateship with Birds. @Mazarita

For a long time I struggled with many aspects of Austrlalian culture and personalities but in the last few years I am just loving the new literature.

Apple, I changed my last message to you.......I will need to have a look at that book that Maritza is reading.....

I went to the bookshop and was looking at Culterism in Australia...I feel so grouchy at this.....fear of the different .....jeepers kreepers, say if Donal Trump get nominated?? Oh dear....

Sorry if you teo love how he speaks and your both Donald Trump followers for America.

Im listening to ...Simon and Garfunkel....Homeward Bound. Cool song......

Do you like Audio books Apple or Maritza? I am thinking of getting The Old man and The Sea by Ernest Hemmingway spoken by Donald Sutherland.....

Yes, I had a nightmare coming down off meds last year. I actually think that they are too down.......

Yes, Apple, I felt that authertic feeling that your talking about but also......so sad....

@Appleblossom great that you have found a 'stream' of literature to follow. I like it when a 'trail' of books opens up, for example, a fascination with a particular author (or a genre, as in your case now). At the moment I am only just starting to slowly get back into reading novels.

@PeppiPatty so cool you are enjoying your computer. I didn't know about David Bowie's eyes. Along with most people I thought they were two different colours. I encourage your interest in writing. What sort of course have you thought about (TAFE? tertiary? local workshops?) I think you've had a few haircuts in the time I've known you. I'm not sure I've had one, lol. I'm not really into audiobooks. Can you talk to your GP about your meds dose?

I think that as I reclaim the air-waves in my home I will eventually listen to more audio books and watch more movies and listen to CDs .. it just hasnt been worth fighting for ... so I concentrated on being involved in live music rather than argue with my son.

I am gaining ground on claiming my piano and piano room. He packs up his things and goes to his end of the house and plays the other piano now ... it wasnt like that when I first joined the forum ... I was feeling pretty vulnerable.

I loved an audio book we had of The Happy Prince ... which we put on when the girls were young. I am tired and going to sleep, Night Night.