Night Shift

Hi @Jacques...

I'm paranoid that I've upset you now.... I hope you have just been resting & you get what you wanted done done tonight.

I feel terrible...

I really did a lot today (for me) - run , strength training, reading (not a novel, so more intense... The Body Keeps Score - about trauma...), laundry x 2 loads, dishes, made salad for dinner etc. How do people do that & work?? I wish I could work *sigh*

I feel shattered emotionally...

Part of me actually hopes I'll have a headache tomorrow & not have to go to hot yoga & just lay in bed all day... *sigh* I'm not in a good head space. I've been doing more deep breathing & mindfulness exercises this week - my psychologist gave me a sheet of them.... Yet, still I'm here & I don't want to be here. Life is just so tiring. I must sound like a broken record... anxiety, suicidal, anxiety, suicidal - it doesn't end & I feel like I should probably just crawl away & hide from society (why am I posting this?)

I'm waiting for my partner to come back to the cabin & put Offspring on. (The tv - dvd - is connected to a computer & I'm not tech savvy!) He has gone over to see his mum. Hopefully that will help me unwind a bit.

Sorry...

(I am safe)

Hi dear @Former-Member,

You have done nothing to upset me, i am fine tonight, i had a rest this afternoon and did get done what i wanted, well almost. please don't feel terrible, you never upset me.

Yes i know the feeling of not doing enough, it is something we just have to come to terms with, we do what we can, allow ourselves to work at our own pace and don't be too harsh if things don't get done.

You have done a lot today, please try to see how much you have achieved 🙂

Is it possible you are pushing yourself too hard to try to prove your worthyness? i do hope you can rest a bit tonight.

Yes i know how hard it is to keep going @Former-Member, i feel like giving up all the time, i have isolated from society for 14 years, well 15 now, it does not make things better, in a way it probably makes things worse. would it be possible for you and your partner to go to the park with a picnic tomorrow, or go to a quiet cafe and have some brunch, just some time out, you seem so busy. it might help recharge the batteries.

Please try to distract tonight, it is good you are going to watch a tv show, if things start to spiral, reachout to lifeline or suicide callback service, i worry about you a lot, as i know the power of the dark thoughts.

stay strong @Former-Member, enjoy time with your partner, enjoy time with your fur babies. enjoy and focus on the simple things.

hugs, Namaste

Jacques

Just wanted to share my excitment with you all... today I was accepted into uni. Four months waiting for an answer from the uni has paid off and moving home, although one of the hardest things I have done, has been worthwhile.

Let the pre-study anxiety begin.

Congratulations on getting into uni, @Billamba. That's great news!!!! Congratulations too on taking the steps needed to make your plans happen and for finding the resilience to weather the difficulties along the way.

Thank you for your support and kind words @Mazarita and everyone else too. This website and all of you guys has been monumental in helping me adjust into home (begin adjusting really, no where near adjusted or settled yet!) so thank you!

Congratuations @Billamba no need to panic 😄 you'll be great! first year courses are good at easing you in and there are great options for study support too (at most uni's) for instance at CDU masters students offer to mentor first year students and the libraries offer great courses to help learn how to research/use the catalogues!

Good luck!

LJ

@Former-Member, i know i'm a broken record but call Lifeline (13 11 14). You CAN get your life back on track but it's going to be under different terms to those of 'normal' people. PLEASE don't compare yourself to others - 'normal' people have a LOT more support to do what they get done. On the phone to Lifeline with you and/or online counselling (lifeline, beyondblue, headspace), or some other phone counselling service please, pronto. I'm also a bit concerned that your partner doesn't seem to understand what you're going through but you can sort that out after you've gotten the help you need. Keep calling lifeline until you feel better and are able to tackle your problems and have strategies to do so. Don't worry about 'normal' people - they're a heck of a lot more blessed than they realise. I hope this helps you. I have said a prayer for you too.

Glad you're feeling okay this morning @Former-Member 🙂 Enjoy going to the cafe with your lovely partner and hot yoga! Sports psychology would be a great area to study, where did your interest develop from?

Hello to all the usual posters on this thread. @Mazarita @PeppiPatty @Jacques @Terry etc I am back!

Congrats @Billamba for getting in ... tell us about "O" week and your course when you have time.

@Former-Member I am glad your moods are levelling a bit ... ok ... is just fine ... as highs and lows both can be exhausting.

I think part of the growth of gender roles and specialisation of labour was just a genuine response to human needs and making a living .. but it is the different value that is assigned to the roles or activities that can lead to power differential. Domestic tasks do take time and energy. It may take just a few minutes to slap a salad sandwich on the table when an experienced hand and in a hurry ... but these activities are often dismissed as minute and taken for granted ... and some example cited undervaluing the contribution ... eg ... "oh it only take a couple of seconds to make a minestrone" etc ... ingredients need to be shopped for and meals need to planned .. food cared for and prepared ... it all takes time and effort.

I am not heavily invested in the debate about whether or not women should work outside of the home .. I am more analytical about all the whole question. Some women are more dominant than men in and out of gender assigned roles. We are all individual. Personally I had a career orientation and education but stopped "work" to care for a baby and wrecked my neck and could never get back into fulltime workforce... so continued in partime-work teaching piano, being a bookclub co-ordinator and working in choirs ... ... but never WORKED harder ... yet still get accused of being lazy and rorting the system. Despite the fact that both my physcial and emotional issues are due to OVER WORK. Hmmm. I am getting used to the accusations and developing a tougher skin ... not taking ages to figure out and register others' rudeness and bigotry. I AM fighting back.

@Former-Member Hope you are doing ok ... I was wondering how you negotiated the emailing with your psychaitrist ... I would like to be able to do that occasionally.

MY GOOD NEWS is a bit like @Billamba

We returned home Sunday, son composed 3 pieces in 48 hours and passed audition yesterday. This morning I sent him off with packed lunch to his orientation.

My son applied to get in at diploma level but was accepted into a Bachelor of Music. So they upgraded him immediately. I am over the moon.