Depression Sucks

I hate this Depression. I start getting better. I feel the Anti depressants working. Slowly.

Then another week or two passes and I'm back in Depressions grip. Why? Why won't it go away and stay away? I've had 4 hospital stays this year alone due to my Depression. I don't want any more hospital stays. I don't want any more depression. I'm sinking here again.

Nothing in life feels like it's going right. Everything is a struggle. Everything takes so much effort. Everything takes so much time and energy. It's not worth it.

I used to be a real person. I used to have a life.

Now I have 'pity me parties', negative self talk, black days and weeks, no motivation, no life. nothing.